The past year has been one for the books when it comes to growth, both professionally and on a more personal level.
Sometimes this growth has shown up externally, in exciting displays of color and action, branching out and budding new life on already existing limbs. Visible to the public eye, this growth quickly gets noticed and celebrated. As a ‘words of affirmation‘ gal, I totally thrive off of this type of growth and the feedback it illicits.
But the areas that have experienced the most growth over the past year are those less visible to the casual passerby. While less noticed and often less celebrated, they are profoundly more valuable to the health of the whole. This type of growth takes place in unseen places, below the surface where identity takes root, in hidden places where the ‘what’s and ‘why’s of business are established, and where the essence of who we are and how we got that way are nurtured and anchored, or sifted through and uprooted.
Root establishment will always be less sexy and more messy than glamorous displays of blossoms…but in the long run, the above-ground splendor cannot be sustained without a secure foundation beneath the surface.
In our business endeavors and in our personal lives.
Pressing into this type of growth – while allowing the more visible, crowd-pleasing growth to take a backseat – takes incredible bravery. In part because, on the outside, you might look like you are stagnant, or worse yet, are losing ground…but mostly because it means putting on your big-girl panties, digging your hands into the dirt, and dealing with the stuff you fear most.
Here are 3 things I’ve learned about being brave in everyday life by embracing bravery in business:
1. Failure is not fatal.
When we spend our lives with risk-averse default settings, avoiding anything that could result in possible failure – while we might feel safe in the moment – we miss out on incredible opportunities to grow and discover and learn.
Part of the problem with our aversion to failure is our short-sighted definition of ‘success’ and ‘failure’. They just aren’t as black and white as we tend to think.
We all know people who have succeeded wildly at something, and yet have ultimately failed at life. And then there are those who seem to have been predestined to fail, with all the makings of disaster woven into their DNA, who have risen above their circumstances and gone on to leave an indelible mark on society.
Some of the areas I’ve failed the most in have become areas I’m most passionate about helping others in. Had it not been for my experience with “failure”, and the things I learned in the process, I would have little of value to contribute to others.
Maybe it’s time we redefine these words and start seeing failure for what it is: opportunity to grow (aka. failing forward). As Thomas Edison so profoundly put in, in reference to his experience developing the electric light bulb, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work“.
The good news for newbie risk takers is it gets easier and easier to step out and take risks the more you do it.
Maybe it is in discovering that we don’t spontaneously combust after failing that we find courage and bravery bubbling in our bellies, or maybe it is simply a resilience that grows in the process of frequently risking failure and embracing it when it comes. Or maybe it’s both. Either way, when you tap into the wealth of wisdom piled up at the bottom of the proverbial success ladder, you’ll notice all the fun you’ve been missing out on while staying in your comfort zone. And my fun I mean wisdom, strength, resilience and courage.
I have taken more creative business risks this past year than usual, and while I’ve succeeded in some areas, I’ve failed stunningly in others. While I love the thrill of succeeding, along with the momentum and energy it builds, I have learned more from my disasters and flops than from my successes. And so it is in life.
2. Rejection is inevitable.
I started seeing a counselor this year and it’s been one of the best choices I’ve made for my work and my heart. Which are, undeniably, connected.
As we’ve gotten our hands dirty in the ground of my cognitive and experiential belief systems, I’ve noticed weeds securely wrapped around the infrastructure of my soul. While my broken pieces have been under construction for some time now, there are distinct and fierce aversions that still drive me.
A theme that has emerged in every single session is my fear of looking or feeling foolish. Of feeling unwanted or rejected. This fear has silently directed many of my personal and business decisions over the years. I have avoided the risk of rejection, and the feeling of foolishness that accompanies it, and it has cost me dearly.
The safety of my bubble seemed to outweigh the risk of exposure – even when it meant remaining stuck, face pressed up against a glass ceiling, watching life happen around me. While this has fed my fear of failure, it is a battle all on its own.
This year was a liberating one for me in this department as I started to care less about what people might think of me, and how they might respond to my work, and chose rather to place value on pursuing those things that set my soul on fire. Those things, after all, are why I believe I have breath in my lungs, and they rarely happen within the comfort of my bubble.
Like learning to embrace failure, the more comfortable we get with rejection – the less of a hold it will have on us. And the less of a hold it has on us, the more able and free we are to run hard after the things that really matter.
As hard as it is for me to swallow – as a self-professing, recovering people-pleaser – I’m just not everybody’s cup of tea. And it’s okay. Really, it is. Not everyone will like what I create, say or write, and that’s perfectly alright. As we have learned to say often in our home, “it’s not wrong, it’s just different”.
Bravery in this area not only cultivates confidence and creativity in business, but creates a healthy environment for authentic friendship, and vulnerability in marriage, to thrive.
3. Perfection is the enemy.
As a raging perfectionist, this was a big one. And a battle I still fight every single day. The possibility of delivering imperfect work cripples your business in the same way fear of never having a perfect home destroys your social life: you won’t bravely put stuff out there and you won’t bravely invite people in.
Perfection is fantastic when it comes to bridges and airplane wings, but it’s over-rated in almost every other area of life. Don’t get me wrong, as a graphic designer I believe there is a place for perfection. But when it becomes the standard by which you measure everything, you spend your life feeling exhausted, hyper-critical and anxious.
I cannot tell you how many posts I haven’t written, projects I haven’t completed, designs I haven’t shared, and talks I haven’t developed because of my inability to get them “perfect” enough for public consumption. So I’ve started to trade in perfection for excellence. It may not always be perfect, but therein lies another opportunity to take risks and learn from our mistakes.
As Emily Ley so beautifully puts it, “I will hold myself to a standard of grace, not perfection“.
Remember, a completed imperfect offering will always have more of an impact on the world than something that’s never perfected enough to offer.
Myles Monroe put it this way… the “wealthiest places in the world are not gold mines, oil fields, diamond mines or banks. The wealthiest place is the cemetery. There lies companies that were never started, masterpieces that were never painted… In the cemetery there is buried the greatest treasure of untapped potential. There is a treasure within you that must come out. Don’t go to the grave with your treasure still within YOU.”
Fear of failure and fear of rejection are so tightly interwoven with a drive for perfection that sometimes it’s hard to tell them apart. They seem to feed off of each other, intensifying the burden and creative paralysis. Together they shut us up, and then they shut us down.
I’ve discovered as I’ve leaned into my fears this year – stepping out to connect and collaborate with other creative business owners, launching the We ROAR Project and the Simply Bloom shop, and making plenty of blunders along the way, that life is more fun spent outside of my comfort zone.
I’ve learned that while it takes bravery to step out…it takes even more bravery to stay out.
Where might you need to step out of fear and into bravery this upcoming year?
Which of these is the biggest struggle for you – and how do you plan to beat it? Join the conversation over on the Simply Bloom Facebook page.
And here’s to a smashingly brave & courageous 2016, friend.
