This sweet cow-huggin’, cookie-bakin’, math-teachin’ Alabama girl captured my heart early on during our mutual rendezvous with The Influence Network.
Her honesty and vulnerability is both refreshing and convicting, and her story hope-stirring.
Meet Ali…
WHAT’S YOUR STORY, MORNING GLORY?
I grew up in a wonderful Christian home, but it wasn’t until I met the end of myself that I truly met the Lord.
I’ve struggled with clinical depression since I was about 19. Nobody probably would have known. On the outside I was always a pretty happy, outgoing, optimistic person. But on the inside? That was a different story. In college, I looked in all the usual places to fill the emptiness I felt. And surprise, surprise… all the idols I chased left me feeling emptier than ever before. After a couple years of living this way, I was a complete mess.
I thought I might be depressed, but isn’t that kind of a made up thing? Why couldn’t I just get it together? Suck it up and get happy! I was a Christian. I knew the Lord, but I still felt like I was drowning and couldn’t seem to get my head above water. I felt defeated. And kind of embarrassed. What was wrong with me? Thankfully, my parents were incredibly supportive and suggested I get some help. I started taking medication (*gasp*) and got plugged into an incredible community of believers who basically saved my life—praise the Lord!
But it hasn’t been all rainbows and sunshine since then. Yes, I’ve grown and experienced wonderful times of peace and joy. But the struggle with depression has been ever present. I’ve been several seasons of darkness since then. After college, living on my own, lonely, and unfulfilled. As a newlywed, wondering what the heck I had just done. Marriage is hard! And it’s exposed some ugly stuff in this heart of mine. But thankfully—through therapy, modern medicine, and the incredible people the Lord has placed in my path, I’m able to see the light most days. God is good, sisters. He really is.
WHAT DID YOU DISCOVER ABOUT YOURSELF?
Basically, I discovered that I’m a huge baby. It’s true!
I don’t want life to be hard. I don’t do well with trials and pain. I want to escape. I want to run. I can get angry with the Lord because I feel like I deserve better! But that right there—the entitled, “I deserve this” attitude—that gets me into trouble. It’s anti gospel. In and of myself, I don’t deserve anything. But thanks be to Jesus, I’m redeemed. And every good thing I have comes from the Father. He loves us! And He delights to give us grace upon grace.
WHAT DID YOU DISCOVER ABOUT GOD’S CHARACTER IN THE PROCESS?
God’s plan for me is always for my good, even though it may not always feel good. He loves me. He’s for me. And I can trust Him even when circumstances are difficult.
He’s after my heart. He wants all of it. And sometimes (most times) the best ways to get my attention and sanctify my stubborn heart is to put me in hard places. But it’s ALWAYS in love. He never leaves me.
And He’s never disappointed with me. Elyse Fitzpatrick says that disappointment comes from unmet expectations. And the Lord has no unmet expectations when it comes to us. Jesus has already met all of the expectations for us! We can rest in that. And live in freedom.
WHAT HELPED YOU OR SERVED YOU MOST PRACTICALLY IN THIS SEASON?
Counseling. Counseling is the best thing I’ve ever done for my mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health. I think everyone should go! Vulnerability in trusted friendships. I have a group of women that I know I can be brutally honest with. I know they’ll love me and accept me, no matter how crazy I feel. And they point me to the truth when I can’t see it or believe it for myself. Gratitude. Literally making a list of the good things God has given me. It’s a perspective shifter, and a complete game changer for me when I’m feeling the negativity creep in.
HOW DID THIS EXPERIENCE EFFECT OR SHAPE YOUR PASSION TODAY?
Now, I’m passionate about sharing my story openly and encouraging the women around me. I’ve struggled big. And I still do! But that doesn’t disqualify me (or you!) from sharing what the Lord is teaching us in the midst of our messy lives.
The sweetest thing in the world is baring your soul to a friend, working up the courage to share something scary, and hearing the words, “me too!”. Vulnerability is a powerful weapon against darkness. One thing I know for sure is that the enemy wants us to feel alone in our struggles. But I promise you—no matter what you are dealing with, you are most definitely NOT alone.
IF YOU COULD SUM UP YOUR STORY IN ONE SENTENCE WHAT WOULD IT BE?
“I’ve learned to kiss the wave that slams me into the Rock of Ages.” Charles Spurgeon
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO A WOMAN FACING THE SAME STRUGGLE?
You are not alone! God has not left you where you are. When things are so dark that you can’t see right in front of you, force feed the truth to yourself. And if you can’t feed yourself, be brave and find someone (a therapist, a pastor, a friend) who will help you.
IS THERE A FAVORITE QUOTE OR SCRIPTURE YOU HAVE CLUNG TO?
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
WHAT DOES THE WORD HOPE MEAN TO YOU, AND WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE IN EVERYDAY LIFE?
As children of God, we have a REAL hope. No matter what this life throws at us, our hope is in Christ. We have an inheritance that cannot be shaken. We have a reason for joy. We are redeemed and have a secure future with our Savior.
WHAT ARE 2 THINGS YOU ARE LOVING RIGHT NOW?
The sunshine! I love getting some sun on my skin in the summer.
And reading. I just finished graduate school in May so I’m loving having lots of free time to read for fun this summer. I love using the Goodreads app, too! Find me. I love new book friends.
THANKS ALI! WHERE’S THE BEST PLACE FOR READERS TO FIND YOU?
I blog sporadically at cookiesandgrace.com. And you can always find me on Instagram .
