I met this feisty female several years ago when she was MCing an event I was speaking at..and she may or may not have been wearing massive amounts of camo and rhinestones at the time.
I quickly fell in love with her sassiness, along with her delightful sense of style. She’s a wife, mom & grandma, and a well-loved speaker & author.
Meet Marlene…
What’s your story, morning glory?
I am a PK, Pastor’s Kid, or more accurately Preacher’s BRAT! You know what “they” say about preacher’s kids (whoever this “they” is)! And I also married a PK. Not only are we opposites, as in I was the “goody two shoes” preacher’s daughter who married the “bad boy” preacher’s son, we were also from completely different denominational backgrounds and after over 38 years of togetherness, we are still in theological therapy.
Anyhoo, I was raised in a very legalistic church environment where there were lots of rules and specific expectations of “good girls” and what a godly woman is supposed to look like, and I mean literally look like. No pants, no makeup, no jewelry, high necklines and long hemlines. “We don’t go there or do that!” And even slang was considered profanity in my house. The struggle of my life has been dealing with the feelings of inadequacy and failure because I did not fit in to that expected mold. I wanted a pair of jeans SOOOO badly in junior high…I loved jewelry and make up…I wanted to dance! (Go straight to “you know where”, do not pass go!) Those things were considered “worldly” and forbidden and I was, after all, the preacher’s daughter. In my world growing up women were expected to be the epitome of decorum and piety. Enter ME…the “late in life” baby of the family who seemed to be the opposite of all of those expectations. But I was expected to be the example. Talk about bondage! The good news is that it drove me to the feet of Jesus and His Word to find out what a REAL Jesus girl looked like, or more importantly, who she was!
What did you discover about yourself?
At the feet of Jesus I discovered that when the Bible talks about a “gentle and quiet spirit” it was not defined by personality or gifts. I had always felt condemned and “ungodly” because I laughed too loud, talked too much, and wanted to express myself in ways that were seen as “inappropriate.” That does not mean that I didn’t or don’t need the rough edges sanded off or that being loud and obnoxious is ok because I am a work in progress and obnoxious is not ok, it’s just selfish. It simply means that just because I don’t fit in the “quiet, reserved, passive church mouse” box, doesn’t mean that I’m not a “godly woman” or not valuable to God or useful in the kingdom.
What did you discover about God’s character in the process?
I had heard about God’s judgment and wrath all my life…”follow the rules, or ELSE!” “If you are not perfect you must be sinning!” It sent the dangerous message that spiritual perfection was attainable if you just followed all the rules. But through the years of struggle and searching God’s Word, truly wanting to find the heart of God as a woman, I discovered His grace and acceptance. That He is the perfect one and that it is ok that I am not because He took care of that void through Jesus’ sacrifice. I can be FREE of the bondage and control of sin and guilt and the legalism and bondage of the rules = spirituality lie. It’s not about rules, it’s about relationship! And, the amazing thing is that He loves ME, the real me…out of the box personality and all. I can be a Jesus girl and honor Him and He will actually use what some may see as worthless or even “ungodly” to honor Himself and bless others. In the middle of the chaos, I can possess a “calm and quiet spirit”, a confidence that He is in control and will make beauty of the ashes around me and the flaws within me while still being the real me.
How did this experience effect or shape your passion today?
Because of my upbringing, I didn’t have a lot of girlfriends and was rather introverted in group settings. That insecurity and “less than” feeling made me very guarded and unwilling to be vulnerable, especially with other girls or women. I just knew they would judge me, so speaking and sharing with women is definitely not something I wanted to do when I grew up, and certainly not writing. Too much discipline and work.
However, as the Lord has sanded off those edges and pulled back the layers of insecurity and doubt, He has shown me that we women need each other. I have needed other women in my life to support and encourage me to grow and challenge me to be who God created and saved me to be and move past the lies I believed about myself and the God who loves me. I want women to experience the freedom Christ brings and leave the baggage and insecurity behind. Let it gooooooooo! (yes, we own the movie Frozen!)
But seriously, Freedom! Burn that BRA! Ok, not really. But you know what I mean…that feeling of AAAHHHHHHHH…of no restrictions and relief and you can just relax! I want women to be that free spiritually, to relax and enjoy becoming everything God created them to be. (My mother just turned over in her grave over the bra comment)
How did this impact or clarify your ultimate purpose or mission?
I have argued with God on what seems to be this “calling” on my life to share and encourage women. Because of my personality most people assume I love being up front and most are shocked to find out that I would rather not, because I struggle with that panicky feeling of inadequacy every. single. time. However, dragging my feet, I have gone where God opened doors for ministry, kicking and screaming, or rather, whining and pouting. Feeling inadequate and under qualified the entire time but also exhilarated afterward by how women seemed actually encouraged and would respond to the Lord in their lives. By my getting real about my struggles and insecurity and seeing how God uses me anyway. Who knew?
But on the way to a speaking engagement a couple of years ago I was having that same argument with the Lord that I always do: “Why me, Lord? I’m not spiritual enough and I’m a hot mess!” “I can’t do this Lord, I’m not a bible teacher or theologian like Beth Moore. I’m no witty, funny story teller who can turn a phrase and write prose like Liz Curtis Higgs.” “Lord, I don’t have a powerful testimony of awesome young women like Joy McMillan, (shameless sucking up here) being healed from the pain and abuse of the past or a dramatic transformation story being delivered from addiction.”
And then I heard it…that Still Small Voice! It was almost audible in that car alone… I heard the Lord say directly to me: ”Marlene! Just be yourself and tell them about Me!” Whaaaaaat???? That’s it? Ok, Lord! With your help, I can do that!
There it is! Clarity and simplicity! Don’t you just love how God does that?!
If you could sum up your experience in a single sentence, what would it be?
God has shown me grace in getting real with Him, the value of being real with other women, and the absolute necessity of staying real in His Word!
What would you say to a woman facing the same situation?
God does not expect you to be perfect, to be all to everyone, to do it all, and accomplish it all and you don’t have to have a dramatic rags to riches testimony. He simply wants you to be who He created you to be, baggage, hormones and all. Not a cookie cutter, pseudo perfect, Stepford wife copy of someone else. Walk in freedom and embrace His grace and discover the unique ministry he has for you! “Just be yourself and tell them about Jesus!” BURN THAT BRA! Ok, maybe not that far…
Is there a favorite quote or scripture you have clung to?
So many different passages over the years that have been pivotal at different stages of my life but the message He has driven home is “It’s not about me, it’s about GOD!” I can relax because no matter what happens, I can relax and just be, and that is enough because He’s got this…and me!
Isaiah 43:1-5, I read it as His message directly to me.
What does the word “authenticity” mean to you, and what does it look like in your everyday life?
Being honest and authentic about who I really am and my human struggles actually shows how big my God really is because I really can’t do life without Him. He gives me real purpose and passion in life and redeems the things I can’t. I surrender my flawed self to God and honestly share my struggles as a woman with other women whenever I have the opportunity and I let them know they are not alone. Then I point them to the God who has redeemed me… and if He can use my imperfect, crazy life I can encourage them that He is working and has a plan for them too…even during menopause! (having a hot flash as we speak) Jeremiah 29:11
What role has mentorship played in your life, and what impact has it had on you?
I wish I’d had more mentors in my life in the early years of being a wife and mom, struggling with all those expectations and insecurities. But I did have a few women that the Lord brought in to my life at just the right time that helped me navigate through the muck of mixed messages women are bombarded with, both inside the Christian community and outside from the culture. They were real women, living and sharing real life with me, pointing me to a real faith that gets me through and makes me more than simply a survivor. I want to do that for other women!
What are 2 things you’re loving right now?
Ironically, two of my favorite things at this point in my life are ones that are a direct result of the Lord redeeming the “rules” of the past and also my own selfish nature.
First, I LOVE accessories and fashion! Not in an obsessive, “gotta be blinged out every minute” kind of way. But I thoroughly enjoy expressing myself and my own unique flavor of style. Maybe it’s because I was not allowed to growing up. I am thankful the Lord allows me to use this “hobby” to relate to women. I love to encourage women who are afraid to just be themselves and feel intimidated by what they think others will think. The “I could never wear that! What would people think?” trap. Especially when that thinking comes from an unbiblical, legalistic church or family background. Girlfriend, grab your BFF who knows the real you and go shopping and enjoy yourself trying something you’ve always wanted to. Try something outside of that box someone else put you in. As long as it’s not wearing lingerie or fishnet stockings and a corset to church you should be fine.
And secondly, God has truly redeemed my selfish nature. Well, I’m still a work in progress. But I have always hated babysitting, don’t naturally do the “kid” thing and was pretty selfish and self-centered when I was younger. Remember, I’m the late-in-life baby of the family. I didn’t dream of having children and aren’t drawn to all the cute babies (although I do think babies are cute.) But after the first 5 years of marriage I decided I should have his baby just to say I did. Not even kidding here. So we were blessed with 2 kids who are now in their 30’s and the good news is we all lived to tell about it.
But the greatest blessing I did not anticipate was grandchildren! I can’t even tell you how much joy being a grandparent brings and I am loving being an active part of the lives of my 6 grandkids…3 vanilla girls and 3 chocolate boys and they are brilliant, of course. Again, who knew?!
This parent and grandparent thing has changed me so drastically that when I turned 50 I actually got a tattoo on my foot with the verse reference that has become my favorite at this point in my life: 3 John verse 4, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in truth!” BAM! (Yes, mom just rolled over again…she found out I had a tattoo just months before she died….no, that’s not what killed her…but that’s another story)
Thanks, Marlene! What’s the best way to connect with you online?
I would love to hear from women who are encouraged by my “getting real” story and share theirs with me.
You can find me hanging out at www.marlenelawson.org or on facebook. I also have a twitter account @1stpeter3girls but am not a “twit” very often.
Get real, be real, stay real, Girlfriends!
