I haven’t had a tree of my own for the past 2 years.
Christmas of 2008 was spent surrounding by boxes, a bullet proof vest, guns and the remainder of freshly acquired police gear my hubby had brought home from academy. He graduated as a State Trooper a mere 6 days before Christmas, was posted an hour away, and was due to start there just 2 days later. We were convinced {read: hopeful and praying} that our house would sell, after being on the market for a year and a half, and we were ready to mobilize.
It didn’t happen.
The following Christmas was spent with my parents {while friends of ours rented our home} as a part of the 11 months we lived with them in their home. We enjoyed my mum’s tree.
Needless to say…unearthing my very own tree, and all the magnificent ornaments I have been accumulating over the years, is something I’ve been deliriously giddy about for a while now.
Things have changed! I have 2 wee ones now. This is it! This is what I’ve been waiting for!
Or it it?
{a moment of silence for serious reflection, please}
I haven’t the foggiest notion where or how I conjured up sugar-plum scented images of my “crew and I” assembling this family Christmas tree together on “Black Friday”, still pajama-clad and humming along to Christmas carols, sipping hot chocolate, stopping to smell the {completely homemade} cookies baking in the oven and glancing over at our each other occasionally to soak the peppermint-encrusted bliss all in.
Clearly, I am delusional.
Yes, there were Christmas tunes bopping…thank you, Chris Botti, for making my world a more serene place to be…and of course, there was laughter. But there was also a hefty helping of shouting. And crying. And screeching. And whining.
Much weeping and gnashing of teeth.
And yes, I did some of it. Quite possibly all of the above.
Yes, some of us where still pajama clad. Myself being one of them. Cricket opted out in favor of the bathing suit she found in my closet. She finally lost feeling in her appendages and decided to clothe them. Smart girl.
Hot chocolate? Nope. Tea? duh.
Christmas cookies? Only if you count the ones from grandma’s tray of ever-so-slightly-stale ones.
And my house – while it no longer smells like vomit {thank you, Jesus} – smelled more like my daughter’s recently acquired, fruit-loop scented, silly bandz, the garbage I still needed to lug out, and one nostril-hair-curling, Bug-ate-too-many-raisins-again diaper than pumpkin spice and pine needles.
Well, except for the ‘Clove’ candle I was burning non-stop in an effort to block out the rest of the smells competing for my olfactory attention. It sort of worked
And keeping the ornaments on the tree – and in one piece – was a whole ‘nother bag of peas {I have no idea what that means}, a task that took every ounce of vigilance I could muster.
When Cricket wasn’t “helping” decorate the tree, her brother was whipping his stuffed sheep at it and shrieking with laughter. That boy can throw – and that girl can rearrange – like nobody’s business!
So I gave them their very own tree to decorate…maul…chew…and in every sense of the word(s), “deck out”.
Not quite the picture of Yuletide peace and blessitude I had in mind.
But delightful, all the same!
I am no longer aiming for that picture of domestic perfection from a Martha Stewart magazine. I now shoot in the general direction of the fun department…praying for memorable moments…hoping for {relatively} well-managed chaos.
I would say, delusional as I may be, we accomplished that. And it’s considerably more attainable, and enjoyable, than the former.
I realized anew today just how far I have come from my pre-offspring, anal-retentive, perfectionistic, mildly psychotic state of being.
No, I’m not exaggerating, why do you ask?
I’m totally a free spirit now. Well, not totally. But at least I’m in the right hemisphere.
What used to take me 3 hours…wrapping every single tree branch with lights…only took me 10 minutes. Partly because more than half of the light strings didn’t work. Leaving me with 1 1/2…the dud half got tossed behind the tree.
You work with what you’ve got, right?
My previously, monochromic, perfectly uniform tree has come alive! She has personality! Color! Spunk! And the finest merchandise this side of the river Jordan…come on down! {Excuse the “Aladdin” quote…it flowed nicely}
My BC {Before Children} tree may have been a picture of perfection before. Bordering on boring, I can now admit.
Now it embodies the vibrancy, the madness…the JOY…of my world.
I love it!
Turns out letting it all hang out; assembling a family tree in between Lego cars, watching the first snowflakes fall, dance parties, time-outs, play dough creations, flying sheep, tea parties, and the constant untangling of children from defunct Christmas lights, has it’s benefits.
I love the person they are forcing me to be.
They are challenging me daily to be. And you couldn’t pay me enough to return to the one they are slowly and consistently wooing me out from within.
“Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed”
I may be delusional. But my little babes would take that over persnickety any day of the week.
So long, stiff-necked perfectionista…I’m so grateful you won’t be home for Christmas…or any other occasion, for that matter. Our home is much more enjoyable without you.
Hope your black Friday was as colorful as mine!
