I met this gorgeous gal a few years ago, when our husbands worked together briefly, and have watched from a distance as she’s walked through uncertainty and loss with a fierce and unrelenting faith.
Her story of hope amidst heartbreak so powerfully tells of a God who “takes the broken pieces and makes them beautiful” [Ecclesiastes 3:11].
Meet Jenn…
What’s your story, morning glory?
In January of 2016 we went for a “routine” ultrasound, I was about 20 weeks pregnant with our 3rd child. As we sat in that room, I watched the ultrasound tech going over and over again the heart… I knew something was wrong. When the Dr. came in to talk to us she told us that our baby had several things wrong, I tried to listen and understand, but it was like a machine gun going off. She said she thought there was some kind of chromosomal problem which would most likely have a fatal diagnosis.
We were devastated, that was the darkest moment… when you hear the words that something is wrong with your baby, that it could be fatal. You feel numb, in shock, angry, scared… you ask, why YOUR baby? Without an official diagnosis yet, the genetic counselor gave us the option to terminate the pregnancy… how can we even think about that without knowing what is going on? We chose to have an amniocentesis done which would determine what was going on with our baby. We left the hospital in disbelief.
The next couple days as we waited for the test results were the longest days of our lives, then finally we got the news… trisomy 13 and the other news, our baby was a boy… and we were heartbroken. We both knew our sweet boy needed a name right away, Benjamin Bradley (after his daddy and his papa). We also knew in our hearts, that we had to continue with this pregnancy and give our Benjamin his shot at life.
What did you discover about yourself?
I discovered a strength and bravery about myself, that I did not know that I had. I knew the “odds” the genetic counselor, doctors and our research were giving us… I knew that most trisomy 13 babies did not make it to delivery, I knew that a lot were still born, I knew of those that survived birth less than 5% made it to their 1st birthday. But still we wanted to try, in hopes that we could have even a little time with him, he was our son and we wanted to meet him and do everything possible to try to give him life.
At about 35 ½ weeks, I noticed I hadn’t felt Benjamin move during the night one night… at the hospital they could not find his heartbeat and we learned that our son had passed and was in the arms of Jesus now. It was devastating. The original plan was a scheduled c-section, but since circumstances were now different, we were told a VBAC birth would be safest for me, as well as leaving the door open for the future. A lot of people may have chosen still to have a c-section, it would be easier to get it over with quickly… I did not want to for several reasons. Looking back this does surprise me about myself, but I felt that is was almost a gift to be able to experience this type of birth since our 2 daughters were c-sections and I wanted to do this as a way of completing this journey.
What helped you or served you most practically in this season?
The main thing that helped me during this was actually a person… my husband. We leaned on each other, we prayed together and went to church. Putting trust in God’s plan for us played a big part in our journey. My husband helped me discover a strength inside that was so strong, he believed we could do this together and his belief in me, gave me so much strength to do it! The other thing that helped me specifically was writing…it continues to be very therapeutic for me to talk about my feelings using this outlet and I hope that it gives others going through similar situations a strength to be able to talk about it as well.
How did it impact or clarify your ultimate purpose/mission?
Going through something like this is not an easy thing to do, however we have no regrets in the choices we made and I would do it all over again just to be able to hold Benjamin again. That being said, it’s alarming that right after a family receives this news that there may be something “wrong” with your baby, you are given an option to terminate the pregnancy…even when you don’t even have an official diagnosis, just speculation.
I think I would love our story to have an impact on people going through that first day, I would urge you to get all your information before making any kind of decision like that. One of our hopes in making our choices was for our daughters to be able to witness what it is like to put your trust in God when life is hard and to witness unconditional love and I believe they did. While it is scary and incredibly hard to go through this, I would also urge people to look to God and trust in His plan…He can get you through things if you let Him in.
There was also something beautiful that happened during this and that was our friends and family supporting us through this and telling us how Benjamin was impacting their lives in a positive way, there is always something good to be seen… but you have to allow yourself to look for it.
If you could sum up your experience/story in a single sentence, what would it be?
We truly believe that the miracle that everyone was praying for ended up being the impact that Benjamin and his story had on people, and we have no regrets.
What would you say to a woman facing the same struggle?
I really want other women to know that is OK to talk about things like this… trisomy’s, pregnancy loss, still birth. People want to listen, help and pray with you and it is so therapeutic to talk or write about it. This does not have to be a “taboo topic” anymore, 1 in 4 women will go through some kind of pregnancy loss, we should not be ashamed and we should be able to honor the memory of our babies.
Is there a favorite quote or scripture you have clung to?
Yes, I have a few!
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight” Proverbs 3:5-6
“Be brave…. Do not pray for the hard thing to go away, but pray for a bravery to come that’s bigger than the hard thing”
“Faith, it does not make things easy, it makes them possible”
“To trust God in the light is nothing, but trust him in the dark – that is faith”
“He takes the broken pieces and makes them beautiful” Ecclesiastes 3:11
What does the word “trust” mean to you, and what does it look like in your everyday life?
Trust to me, means being able accept something that is happening in my life and to see the good in any situation. It’s not always easy and sometimes takes a decent amount of thought, but if you really think about things, I believe you can. Recently I have had to give a lot of thought into the timing of events in my life and trusting in God’s plan for myself and my family. “Having faith in God, means having faith in His timing”- Trust to me, means having faith.
What are 2 things you’re loving right now?
Lately, I have really enjoyed writing in my journal and I also enjoy pinterest these days especially looking at home décor since we are in the process of moving!
Thank you for sharing a chapter of your story with us, Jenn!
