How on earth is it possible that it’s November 2012 already?
Next month is Christmas, ya’ll!
Yay and… yikes.
I realize I may be a little slow on the uptake here, but weren’t we just getting all giddy {and awkwardly terrified} by the notion of a new millennium around the corner?
Has it really been 13 years already?
Gosh, it’s true what ‘they’ say…the days cree-ee-eep past, but the years fly by at warp speed.
And I’m finally believing what all those well-meaning, middle-aged women tell the disheveled, sleep-deprived mums waiting in grocery store lines with screaming children…”Enjoy it!! EVERY moment. It goes by WAY too fast!”.
I remember smiling, sighing and slinking away, fearful that they might catch a whiff of my unshowered pits and dry heave a little behind my back.
Granted, my honest response over the past few years has involved stifling the urge to ram my cart into theirs with all the raw force of a raging bull.
But as I find myself clawing my way out of the trenches of toddlerdom, I’m uncovering the truth behind their ill-timed words and am offering a slight nostalgia-hued grimace instead. Far less awkward for both parties.
Because, in spite of their seeming naiveté, they’re spot on.
My little loin fruit are growing up fast, after all. And while I don’t long for the days of sleepy newborn breath or first-words delight {as delicious as they were}, I find I am so enjoying the vocabulary rich, personality emerging season we’re in right now that I would bottle it if I could.
Because, people, I’ve discovered that I actually LOVE this! {slow learner, what can I say?}
I do, I do! I love our life.
I love my kids! And I love the way my hubby wears fatherhood. I even love the me I’m becoming!
This is epic, folks, considering this burgeoning control freak was a reluctant mother at best. Only in reality, though. Seeing I was an excellent mother before I actually had children.
But then they came, 2 years apart, and I was all sorts of horrible.
While they have grown and changed tremendously over the past few years, so have I. I’m not even sure I would want to be friends with the person I was 4 years ago. Motherhood has wrecked me and rebuilt me in the most beautiful of ways. It has taught me what truly matters, and how to pause long enough to embrace it in all its glory, amidst the whirlwind of lost control and perfect imperfection.
I think I’ve finally settled into it; this magnificent, messy, wild parenting ride. It took me 5 years, but I think I’m actually getting it! {knuckle bumps}
I have finally stopped fighting it and am learning to embrace the ups and downs and round-and-rounds of motherhood.
I am learning how to let myself off the hook.
How to parent with finesse, resilience and bucket loads of grace.
The raging selfishness is slowly fading as I intentionally put it to death every.single.day.
I’m learning to lay down my voracious need for me-time, for sleep, for hot food & showers, and finished sentences…in exchange for the spontaneity and life-brewing beauty of building little lives in the now.
Of being “mommy”.
I’m learning to accept my hard-working, post-baby body; stretch marks, fried-eggs-on-hinges boobs and all.
I’m learning to embrace the changes in my marriage – rather than mourning the loss of what we had then, choosing to celebrate the depth and joy of what we have now, difficult as it may be at times.
It’s growing on me more than I ever thought it could, this motherhood thing.
It’s surely the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I mess up frequently, but it’s deeply satisfying, stunningly transforming and wildly wonderful.
And I get to start over every single day. Because, Lord knows, I need it.
So, so thankful that all is grace.
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Happy November, sweet mommas & company!
