It never ceases to amaze me just how many potential ‘lessons in love’ I face daily. Potential because there are days I choose not to take the opportunity to learn, but simply to remain in whatever frustrated {read: impatient, ungracious, and overall unpleasant} state I may be in.
It does amaze me, however, just how little I seem to have learned in the battle-picking department.
I get so easily bent-out-of-shape.
How is it that a 35 pound toddler can bring out my ugly side with such ease?
There are days that the smallest, most insignificant things can ruffle my feathers and trigger what we’ve come to know as the “crazy cycle”. We first learned about the crazy cycle when took the Love & Respect Marriage Conference. It is the negative behavior that prompts negative behavior…and round and round it goes.
Only recently have I identified that same cycle of craziness between my daughter and I.
She’s feeling sassy right off the bat in the morning…
I’m not feeling up-to-par {directly related to how focused I’ve been on what’s truly important in life}…and I respond badly to her behavior.
Sensing that she’s getting under my skin, she acts up in an effort to get attention, even if it is negative attention…
…and I react impatiently, ungraciously and as unChrist-like as you can imagine.
Round and round we go…where mommy will snap, no one knows.
It’s not pretty, it’s exhausting, and in hind-sight, it’s heart-breaking.
The saddest part being: I am the adult. It should be assumed my oozing maturity and abundant wisdom {ahem} would be enough to stop the cycle as soon as it starts to spin. Even when I am aware of being caught in the cycle, it is near impossible to remove myself enough from the force of it to stop.
How easy {in theory} it would be to make a quality decision {thanks for ingraining that phrase in my noodle, mom} to get off, and to intentionally start the “energizing cycle”.
I have found that when I feel delighted in, I blossom. I just revel in the joy of feeling loved and treasured…something in me longs to love and serve and display my best side.
I have found that the same is true of my 3 year old.
When she senses she is adored and delighted in, she blooms into this tender-hearted, sweet-spirited, incredibly obedient and respectful little cricket. On the contrary, when she can sense she is not well-received…like on those mornings I growl over spilled milk, grumble about toys on the floor or yell when shoes aren’t put on in a timely fashion {or the first 4 times I asked}…she spirals down into a whiney, boundary-pushing, considerably-less-enjoyable cricket. And I end up as a blubbering mess at the end of the day, tearful and regretful, just waiting to hand them over to their equally exhausted father with the bold exclamation…”I quit!”.
I find I’m asking myself lately whether I’m truly loving my child in my behavior/responses/reactions to her. The 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love…
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Am I loving her like this? Like I have been called to love her?
Most days, I’m sad to say, the answer is no.
And it shows in her behavior.
Its so easy to spell out, really. It makes perfect sense {as I see it played out in my own life}. And yet in the thick of the crazy cycle I can’t seem to put these simple direction-changing theories into practice.
But today I tried.
When I discovered ‘Shortcake’ {the decidedly less pink side-kick to ‘Strawberry’} had been left out in the rain…again…I adopted the ‘no problem, babe!’ approach – which happens to be much less horrifying for both mother and child – rather than sighing, grunting or scolding {or all of the above, which tends to be my dealing of choice}.
Who cares! It’s a bear. It’s wet. We have a washing line. Whoop de do.
So Shortcake is on the line…rather than the powerful connection with my daughter, and the many precious, little opportunities I will have to bond with her at an {open} heart level today.
Gosh, that was easy.
Let’s hear it for the energizing cycle!
Whoot whoot…I’m on a roll!
