I first connected with this sweet momma & maker through The Influence Network, and was struck by her wisdom and grace while listening to her share her story of heartache and struggle on the Feathers Podcast.
She’s artistic, tender-hearted, has a fierce faith and quite possibly the best lips on the planet (just look at that smile).
Meet Elise…
WHAT’S YOUR STORY, MORNING GLORY?
Whew! There’s so much to our stories, isn’t there? That’s one of the true-sense-of-the-word awesome things about God – everything that happens in our entire lives is only because He has allowed it to happen. Our stories, even the dark parts, unfold in the light of His good plans for our future. With His intention to help us prosper. He’s an eternity-minded Orchestrator, that’s for sure.
These last couple of years have been some of my hardest, and some of the most fruitful. As I write this, it was almost exactly two years ago when it first came to light that one of my little girls had been sexually abused. As she fell apart our whole family did, too. Everything felt broken and shattered. It took almost an entire year to regain any sense of normalcy. And that normal is a new normal. The nightmares are still regular. Long nights make long days even longer.
Near the end of that brutally hard and exhausting year my father-in-law’s health took a nosedive. He has had Alzheimer’s and dementia for nearly a decade – but things got significantly worse, quickly. My husband is an only child, and we knew this day would come, so my family packed our things and moved into my in-laws home so my husband could help his mom full time care for his father.
My family? We are a wild tribe. We had four girls (9, 5, 3, and 1) at the time of our move, and since then we added a son (he’s 3 months old now). To say the adjustments all parties had to go through were challenging would be a slight understatement.
WHAT DID YOU DISCOVER ABOUT YOURSELF DURING THIS TIME?
That my joy and peace depended on a lot of things other than God. And that I limited how God could meet my needs.
I depended on being able to control my home life for emotional stability. When my say on what “home” looks like, feels like, runs like largely went out the window… I internally had a crisis. That’s way too singular. I had lots of crises. I intentionally chose not to read blogs or books about “making your home” a place of comfort, relaxation, recharging etc… because God was teaching me to surrender my need for my own, controlled space. Losing my home for His sake tooks months of prying my stubborn, panicking fingers open. So it’s probably a good thing I was fairly emotionally exhausted from other situations because I’m sure I would have fought Him longer. Life is so much sweeter when my hands are open and willing to receive what He gives. I can’t fight with Him and for Him when I am also fighting against Him. What’s more – I can’t receive with clenched fists. And I’m needy. I need to receive from Him. All day, every day. So I preach to myself: “Open your hands. You don’t own anything. Everything you have is yours to steward, for a time.”
I also realized that my joy and peace depended on being understood by other people. Time and time again I was placed in a position of having to say “no” or “not now” or “this would not be best” without being able to explain why to someone else’s satisfaction. Especially in relation to my daughter’s abuse, I was regularly misunderstood, and judged, because my actions and reactions were not what someone else thought they should be… because they didn’t know about the abuse. What to them looked like defiance was in reality self-loathing.
To protect her privacy, I felt I should share with only a very small, necessary, intimate group what had happened. To them, the crazy we were going through made sense. To others, it seemed I wasn’t responding appropriately, or that I was making overly sensitive or stringent restrictions for my kids. The judgement I experienced was heart-wrenching. Especially from loved ones. But. It was also an incredible gift that I will never wish away, because I realized I had been doing a similar thing with God. I was subconsciously judging His actions or reactions to certain people, or circumstances in the world, without trusting that He deals with each individual in wise, loving ways. He knows context. He knows motivation. He cares more about His child than I what I think about His action, what I perceive as His inaction, or what I think is His poor reaction. I was humbled, and so deeply grateful for this hard realization about being willing to be misunderstood out of love for someone else.
Jesus loves us so much, doesn’t He?
He also showed me I was limiting how He could meet my needs. I thought my quiet time needed to be a certain way. I thought I needed more alone time. He didn’t allow what I thought I needed so I could learn to walk with Him and listen for Him in the midst of the madness. He showed me He is a Wonderful Counselor 24/7. I was crying out that I needed certain circumstances to be full of Him. He didn’t give what I was begging for so I could learn He is powerful enough to provide what I need in all kinds of circumstances.
WHAT DID YOU DISCOVER ABOUT GOD’S CHARACTER IN THE PROCESS?
I discovered, and continue to discover, that God’s character is eternal, and so His perspective is as well. I tend to be much more focused on the temporary, current circumstances. Specifically, how those circumstances temporarily, currently impact me.
His ways are way too big for my brain, and He’s lovingly revealing Himself to me as much as I can bear.
He is patient, humble, and persevering.
He comforts in grief.
Redemption is what He does.
Love is who He is.
Resurrection is His forte.
He is flawlessly trustworthy.
WHAT HELPED YOU OR SERVED YOU MOST PRACTICALLY IN THIS SEASON?
I am so blessed with incredible family and friends. They did the three most needed things: They listened, they prayed, they encouraged me to have grace with myself.
I got so tired of always having heavy, sad things to share. Week after week, month after month… hard things, heartbreaking things, exhausting things poured out of my heart and into my words.
As a wife I was trying to help and comfort my husband through watching his father slip away more and more. My husband calls this time with his dad “a long goodbye”. As a mom I was helping my kids with all their emotional, spiritual, mental and physical challenges and changes. So I didn’t have much of anything left to give as a daughter, a sister, a friend, or anything else.
And my family and friends supported me through listening, through prayer, and with lots of encouragement. I know this is a rare gift, and I’m so grateful.
IF YOU COULD SUM UP YOUR STORY IN ONE SENTENCE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Pain is the gift of common ground. Vertically (with God), and horizontally (with other people).
The shape of the cross. The cross — where evil meets good and dies.
No greater pain, no greater common ground, than at the foot of the cross.
And this is where we find Life Himself.
Sorry that’s way more than a single sentence.
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO A WOMAN FACING A SIMILAR STRUGGLE?
Ordinary faithfulness is the stuff of miracles. Seek Him, and you will find Him. Find Him, and you will have abundant life, even in the valley of the shadow of death. Come into His presence like He delights in you. Because He does. Keep taking the next step with Him, even when you don’t understand how this is all going to work out. “Lean not on your own understanding” is your part, directing your path is His part. He will never leave you, or forsake you. And the goodness He has for you is beyond what you can ask, think, or imagine. Don’t give up. The story is not over yet. He really is the Resurrection, and the Life. And He loves you.
IS THERE A FAVORITE SCRIPTURE YOU’VE CLUNG TO?
“Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.” Psalm 126:6
HOW DID THIS EXPERIENCE SHAPE YOUR PASSION TODAY?
I am more humble and tenderhearted towards those who are suffering. I ask more questions, listen longer, and pray more often. I shamelessly pray for everything. I pray like God is actually listening, and like He actually cares. Because He is, and He does.
Surviving, and even thriving, through long term suffering requires dependence on Jesus. So I am passionate about encouraging others to continue in their ordinary faithfulness – because through ordinary faithfulness we encounter Jesus. This is the miracle – experiencing life with Him. And Jesus is flawlessly faithful. We don’t have to be strong enough – because He is.
WHAT ARE SOME THINGS YOU ARE LOVING RIGHT NOW?
I am loving The Happiness Dare by Jennifer Dukes Lee and Saving my Assassin by Virginia Prodan!
THANKS ELISE! WHERE’S THE BEST PLACE FOR READERS TO FIND YOU?
Instagram is my favorite online community, and I’d love to connect via my website.
