Being a parent is hard work. Choosing to be obedient and follow God across the world, to raise your family and flesh out your faith in an impoverished nation, is a whole new sort of difficult.
I’ve watched this precious family over the past several years, as they’ve navigated missionary life, tragedy, loss, grace and provision – and an unexpected return home – and I’m so thankful to have her sharing a piece of her story with us here. Her humility and resilience are just breath-taking.
Meet Caitlin…
WHAT’S YOUR STORY, MORNING GLORY?
Early in 2015 I miscarried a twin while living in Madagascar as a missionary with my husband and our four kids. The miscarriage began a series of difficulties for me and the living twin, as my placenta had been weakened and was slowly tearing away. Starting at week 9 in the pregnancy, I spent weeks on bed rest and in primitive Malagasy hospitals. At week 19, I evacuated to the States with my family and spent the next 6 weeks in bed in an American hospital. I had two kidney infections and received 7 blood transfusions during my pregnancy and gave birth to a baby girl at 25 weeks and 6 days. Our daughter, Sophia Viviana, weighed 1 lb 14 oz and spent the first 111 days of her life in the NICU before coming home.
WHAT DID YOU DISCOVER ABOUT YOURSELF DURING THIS TIME?
I like to be self-sufficient, make plans and accomplish them. I don’t like to be vulnerable to or rely on others. Being grossly sick and on bed rest was very humbling and I discovered that I can put no confidence in my flesh or my own strength. I can boast only of the lifesaving blood of Jesus and the hope I find in Him.
WHAT DID YOU DISCOVER ABOUT GOD’S CHARACTER IN THE PROCESS?
He is completely faithful and works all things to the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). I now have an adorably delightful baby girl, and, although we have had to leave our home and ministry in Madagascar, we know God has been doing a good work IN us and we are watching Him open wonderful doors for the future.
WHAT HELPED YOU OR SERVED YOU MOST PRACTICALLY IN THIS SEASON?
I wouldn’t have lasted without my husband by my side. He was so loving and patient and helped me and our kids in countless ways to make it through. Phone calls from my parents and encouraging messages from friends and family were also really helpful. Their belief that everything was going to be alright rubbed off on me and was very reassuring. I much appreciated those that took a moment to give a specific word of encouragement, provide a home-cooked meal or tasty treat instead of hospital food, or gave crafts and gifts to my kids during a time that was difficult for them as well.
During my lowest moments, while lying in bed, I listened over and over to my favorite worship songs. Also, the short daily devotional “Jesus Calling” was about all I could handle reading in my weakest times but it really helped fortify my spirit.
I had to choose to ignore those in the medical community that had already given up on my baby, although it was hard because I often felt like giving up myself, especially when my own body was failing and I had to keep receiving blood transfusions to stay alive.
I also do wish that some people better realized how much of a toll the entire experience took on our whole family, including moving overseas, and that it would take time to recover, re-direct and stand on our own two feet again.
HOW DID THIS EXPERIENCE EFFECT OR SHAPE YOUR PASSION TODAY?
I am more determined than ever to live fully in the here and now, and to spend my time on things that are worthy. Having to be separated from my kids while living in the hospital, having to give up my things, my home, and my dreams in Madagascar, losing a baby and feeling like I was losing my own life – all these experiences spur me on to live this fleeting life on earth to the fullest. I want to relish every moment I have with my kids. I want to love the people around me with kindness and with the gracious, unconditional love that Christ has shown me. I want to run with my own two legs while I still can, and kiss my husband like it’s the last time I’ll ever see him. And all this, with the glorious hope of knowing that this earth is ultimately not my home.
IF YOU COULD SUM UP YOUR EXPERIENCE IN A SINGLE SENTENCE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away- may the name of the Lord be praised. (Job 1:21)
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO A WOMAN FACING A SIMILAR STRUGGLE?
Let Jesus carry you and be your strength. There are simply times we’re too weak to stand, much less be Wonder Woman. In those moments, “the Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (Exodus 14:14)
IS THERE A FAVORITE SCRIPTURE YOU’VE CLUNG TO?
Scripture: all of Psalm 139 but particularly:
“If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast…even the darkness will not be dark to you; the light will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb…your works are wonderful I know that full well.”
Quote: “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose” – Jim Elliot
WHAT DOES THE WORD COURAGE MEAN TO YOU, AND WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE IN YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE?
Courage is remaining secure in the Lord with my whole being – flesh, mind, and spirit – through hardship, pain, or uncertainty.
WHAT ARE SOME THINGS YOU ARE LOVING RIGHT NOW?
The language learning app Duolingo and anything pumpkin.
THANKS CAITLIN! WHERE’S THE BEST PLACE FOR READERS TO FIND YOU?
I post regularly on Facebook.
Our website is www.compelledtolove.com.
