Life as we know it can change in an instant. And this one – this brave momma to four, with a tender heart and a wild faith – she knows it all too well.
I met her 8 years ago while our husbands endured 20 grueling weeks of state police academy together. Drawn in by this common experience we shared, it was their uncommon faith that made her and her hubby stand out from the crowd.
This woman has walked through agony no wife ever dreams she will, but because of the way she’s clung to her God through it all, she’s experienced a peace that few get to.
Meet Erin…
WHAT’S YOUR STORY, MORNING GLORY?
Where do I even begin? And what part of my story do I tell you? To be honest, it’s not my story; it’s God’s story, and I am just honored that He would use me. So let me try and give you a glimpse of what He has been doing in my life.
Fifteen years ago I said, “I do” to an amazing man, a man who loved God and people with his whole heart. At that time, we never would have guessed where God’s path would eventually take us. That path ended up taking us down a road that led to 4 beautiful children; 14 years of being youth leaders at church; my husband becoming a Michigan State Trooper; me being a stay-at-home mom; me teaching school again; and eventually to August 28th of 2015. The day my path with my husband stopped. The day that his path branched away from mine and led him to heaven, while my path continued here on earth…as a single mom and a 36 year old widow clinging to God and His promises.
So, here I sit. Crying as I write this. Yet, praising God for all that He has taught me and shown me.
WHAT DID YOU DISCOVER ABOUT YOURSELF DURING THIS TIME?
It isn’t so much what I have learned about myself, but what I have learned about God. He has become my Everything! He is my rock, and my comforter. My shield and my fortress.
My most recent prayer has been for God to align my heart with His. In fact, for 6 weeks I fasted and prayed asking for that very thing. He used my pastor to show me that while I thought I had an eternal perspective about my husband’s death, I actually had a limited, one-sided perspective. Because my husband came to know the Lord in high school, through the death of a friend, my kids and I knew that God would use Chad’s death for His glory as well. While it didn’t erase our hurt, it helped to keep our perspective eternal, that there is more to live for. This is not the end.
But what I hadn’t realized was that I had completely shut out the fact that God was working in the other man’s life – the man that killed my husband. The thought that God was at work in the other man’s life hurt so badly that I actually told God that it was cruel. We watched God use my husband’s death and funeral to glorify Himself and we have continued to watch Him work in people’s hearts and lives. But to think He would use it to work in the heart of the man who killed Chad just hurt too badly. He wasn’t worthy enough for that. Was I really going through this period of grief and sorrow for God to show Himself to the man who killed my husband? From a human perspective, that was cruel!
With my head down on my dining room table sobbing, God gently said to me, “Erin, is it cruel if the last 14 months has brought you closer to me? Is it cruel if I have shown you how much I love you? Is it cruel if you have seen me work in amazing ways? Is it cruel if our relationship has strengthened?” And with my head bowed, I told God that no, it wasn’t cruel. And I confessed my sin of pride.
God gave me a peace that has truly surpassed all understanding. And I can honestly say that it’s okay that the other guy is a part of God’s story too. It’s okay that God is using him as well, because ultimately it’s God’s story not mine. I just get to be a part of it.
WHAT HELPED YOU OR SERVED YOU MOST PRACTICALLY IN THIS SEASON?
God has given me such a huge support group! I have an amazing group of friends that have helped me with so much. A mom in my daughter’s class folded my laundry for the first 3 months. A friend came and helped me wrap Christmas presents. Meals were provided for 4 months after Chad’s death. One friend came and helped me design my husband’s headstone. Some of the Troopers came and helped us decorate for Christmas. My friends have been my saving grace.
IF YOU COULD SUM UP YOUR EXPERIENCE IN A SINGLE SENTENCE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
God doesn’t waste anything; He will use me and every circumstance of my life for His glory. So how do I want my part of the story written?
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO A WOMAN FACING A SIMILAR STRUGGLE?
As Christians, this life is the only hell that we will every experience. And just think we get to go through this “hell” with our friends, the Holy Spirit, and our Bibles! Eternity is waiting! You can do this! Shine your light to the world around you. Show them what it looks like to have the hope of Jesus Christ in the midst of life’s crap, and remember that there is a prize for those who endure till the end!
IS THERE A FAVORITE SCRIPTURE YOU’VE CLUNG TO?
Psalm 62: “For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken…Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us” .
WHAT DOES THE WORD VULNERABILITY MEAN TO YOU, AND WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE IN YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE?
It means being honest. It means showing people the ugly, hurting side of your circumstances as well as allowing them to see God work. It means admitting you have weaknesses and asking for help. It means being real.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING A PIECE OF YOUR STORY WITH US, ERIN!
P.S. You can read two interviews Erin did with CBS Detroit & WNEM here and here, and get a snapshot of how deeply moving Chad’s funeral was here.
