I met this word-loving wife and mom, what feels like a million years ago, when my mum and I were speaking at a women’s retreat.
Her and I connected on campfire benches and bonded over our mad love for writing. I was immediately struck by her quiet strength and raw, gritty love for Jesus and her people.
Meet Zena…
What’s your story, morning glory?
A real struggle that I’ve gone through in the last few years is my husband and I planted a church and it failed. Sounds simple enough but it unraveled lots of things about me and about how I relate to God.
What did you discover about yourself?
I discovered that I’m not immune to the Christian trappings that I thought I was above. I like to think that I’m so different from the larger Christian culture. I don’t listen to Christian music or shop at the bookstores. But it really is deeper than that. By being in the church for so long a real performance/Pharisee/earning God’s love mindset became a large part of how I related to God and his people. I would never have admitted that, but it was/is so true about me.
What did you discover about God’s character in the process?
I learned that God is generous. That God can watch us believe the wrong things about Him for years and that He still waits to give us our hearts desire. That part of the equation never depends on us – that’s all God. I also discovered that God is perfectly capable of bringing His own will about. That God brings His own kingdom. God doesn’t “need” us as much as we can tend to believe.
How did this experience shape your passion today?
I think that God is defining who I am in His kingdom now. It is tempting to return to the ways I used to relate to God, like worn grooves in a road, those old practices fit like a glove and I get nostalgic for them. But the life God promises is always new – never what has already been done. I can imagine that it’s lazy or wrong to receive God’s love, that if I’m not doing something to earn it, that it’s selfish to receive it. But no. We are not what we do. I’m in the process of really learning that now. At least I hope I am.
What would I say to the woman facing the same struggle?
If this resonates with anyone I’d say this – don’t kid yourself. If you think that there’s a chance that competition, envy, position, ambition, performance or earning God’s love is a part of how you are living out your faith – then it probably is. I’d say that it would be better if you laid down your Christian work and lived your one good life off the grid for a little while. That when you live the life you truly enjoy, you will begin to receive the daily goodness God will still generously give you. That’s the only way I’ve learned that He is so much bigger than the outcome of my efforts.
Thanks Zena! Where online can we find you?
Considerate Neighbor is the name of my blog.
I tweet, and am on Instagram and Facebook
