This sweet gal and I actually go back about 30 years, all the way to St. George’s School in Windhoek, Namibia.
We reconnected several years ago through Facebook, but have grown closer over the past 3 years as we’ve worked together on my books (she’s been an incredible editor and encourager – who also happened to help Deborah Kirsten with her gorgeous book).
All the way from Cape Town, South Africa, meet Heidi…
What’s your story, morning glory?
I’m a complete “A-type” personality! I love my world to be neat, clean, quiet, ordered and calm. I love space, and time to think and be by myself. So God, in all His wisdom, gave me three sons. And then I believe He poured Himself a big cup of coffee and sat back to watch the show! There is absolutely NOTHING about my life that is as neat, clean, quiet, ordered and calm as I’d like it to be.
I also used to have very set ideas of what I’d like to be when I “grew up”. I studied statistics and looked forward to a career in business. But when the boys came along and things got crazy, I turned to part-time teaching at my university instead. And when that got too much to handle when my third son came along, I decided to stay home all together. It was the easiest option, I thought.
But it’s been hard, so much harder than I ever imagined. Having three boys is certainly not everybody’s idea of “hard” (and I know people who have four boys or more…some even have five, six or seven children…I will forever live in awe) but it’s still MY hard, it’s what has really stretched ME. I love them to bits, they’re my pride and joy, but there are aspects to this journey that I would never have thought I would struggle with as much as I have.
What did you discover about yourself?
I have discovered just how much disorder and chaos, and a lack of being in control, can rattle me! And I’ve learnt that I’m really a lot less patient than I thought I was. I lose my temper … often (I can imagine my neighbours nodding their heads as they read this).
Recently, after a particularly busy day, I was trying to get supper on the table. The boys were running in and out of the kitchen chasing each other (as they do), throwing things at each other (as they do) and generally causing a whole lot of noise and mayhem (as they do). I was on the verge of kindly asking them, once again, to please calm down (…ok, I admit, I was on the verge of totally losing my cool…) when my middle son noticed the look on my face, stopped dead in his tracks, turned to his brothers and said, “Uh oh, watch out, she’s going to blow!” and they all turned on their heels and fled. The moment was diffused and my demeanour instantly changed, but it’s not always the case.
During these chaotic years of living with three young children, my ability to organise, plan and prepare has stood me in great stead and kept me sane. I have learnt to intentionally create space for myself, and to not feel guilty about doing so. I have learnt to go easy on myself. And I have learnt to say no.
My motto has become, “Excellence is attainable, but perfection is not”, although on some days I think I’m on a one-way track downhill from perfection, flying straight past excellence and ending up in a heap on the level of “just getting through”.
Recently, I’ve started helping friends in the day-to-day organisation of their lives and the various projects they’re involved with. And one of my greatest joys has come in being able to be a practical support for people in crisis.
Through this I’ve learnt that my carefully dreamt up plans might not actually be what God has in store for me. I have learnt, through my own circumstances and the incredibly difficult circumstances faced by so many close friends and family around me, that I am not in control.
Also, I have learnt that strengths that I have that I thought nobody else would need are, in fact, useful in helping others. God knew what it would take to get me to put the gifts He gave me into action!
What did you discover about God’s character in the process?
God, I now know for sure, has a sense of humour! But I also know that He knows exactly what He’s doing. He knew that by pushing me to my limits and giving me a life I never imagined, full of challenges that stretch and frustrate me, I would need to stay on speaking terms with Him. And believe me, God and I do a lot of talking! Well, I guess I do a whole lot of talking, and occasionally I remember to be quiet long enough to hear what He’s got to say about something.
And when I take the time to listen, I learn over and over again that God is not silent. He speaks in so many ways – through his word in the Bible, through what others say and even through my circumstances.
What helped you or served you most practically in this season?
My husband is my hero and my ultimate cheerleader! I just want everyone to know that for a start. His motto truly seems to be, “Happy wife, happy life” and he does everything he knows how to give me the space I need. As chief-caretaker-in-charge-of-all-things-domestic (willingly or not so willingly) we have come to realise that my mood pretty much sets the tone of the household. And whilst it’s no excuse for me to stomp around the house in a PMS-induced tirade, Richard knows that allowing me time out (and supplying me with a cup of tea as I open my eyes every morning…I’m spoilt, I know!) goes a long way to determining the overall level of happiness in our home.
In addition to my fabulous husband, I couldn’t do life without my amazing friends. I have so many wonderful people who selflessly feed into me, sometimes it leaves me quite breathless with gratitude!
I am fuelled by one-on-one interactions with people. I love nothing more than a good natter with a close friend or family member about what makes them tick. It fills my cup!
How did this experience effect or shape your passion today?
I really want to see more women living organised, intentional and influential lives.
If you could sum up your experience in a single sentence, what would it be?
That my desire is to be a patient, positive, prayerful, purposeful and present wife, mother and friend, but I get it wrong daily! And yet I’m saved by grace…grace from my husband, my children and my friends, but most of all, grace from God himself. (Two sentences, sorry!)
What would you say to a woman facing the same situation?
The struggle, whatever your particular struggle might be, is real. But you’re not alone. And as soon as you start owning and accepting the chapter of your story that you’re in, the more you’ll start enjoying and really living it.
Is there a favorite quote or scripture you have clung to?
I’ve got a few favourite verses that I love. If you were to ask my children I think they’d definitely say that my favourite verse is Philippians 2:14: “Do everything without complaining or arguing” but I suspect it may be the fact that they’ve heard it from me. A lot.
But I think the one that stands out the most is one that has become almost a daily prayer for me:
“Create in me a pure heart, oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10 (NIV)
I just love that word, “steadfast”. Unwavering, resolute, committed, loyal, reliable, devoted … it says it all.
What do the words “authenticity” and “vulnerability” mean to you, and what does it look like in your everyday life?
I would love to be known as being authentic. There would be no greater complement to me than to hear someone say of me that “what you see is what you get”. But it takes such courage to be authentic, to be genuine, and to let others know who we REALLY are and how we’re really feeling.
I believe this goes hand-in-hand with being vulnerable.
Recently a friend called me, just to let me know that she wasn’t doing all that well. I was blown away. I would never have known and would have gone on believing that all was ok with this sweet lady. Her bravery and vulnerability were a blessing to me because they allowed me the honour of being able to help her out for a season. Her courage in being authentic meant I could serve where I was needed. If she’d never let me know, I would never have had the opportunity to help her.
Community is built on relationships, but relationships can’t begin to grow unless we’re vulnerable and authentic with each other.
What role has mentorship played in your life, and what impact has it had on you?
To be honest, until now, I haven’t had any “formal” mentorship relationships, but it’s definitely something God has been speaking to me about lately. And it’s one of the chapters in Penduka that spoke to me most profoundly. We can all learn from each other! So I began praying earnestly for someone whom I can mentor and for someone to mentor me.
God answered my prayer about two months ago by bringing someone across my path who could perhaps learn a little from my experiences and I’m so excited about this! I’m still looking for a mentor though…any takers?
What are 2 things you’re loving right now?
My hubby was in New York earlier this year and he bought me an Ultra Light Down jacket from Uniqlo. I don’t know how I ever survived a Cape Town winter without it! You gotta know, it gets COLD in Africa, and we don’t have any central heating systems (because we’re tough!). It hasn’t been over 54 degrees once today…and when it’s 54 outside, it’s pretty much 54 inside. I’ve been wearing that thing almost 24-7!
The other thing I won’t be without is my Blackaby devotional, Experiencing God Day-by-Day. It was a wedding gift and has beautiful wide margins for scribbling in. I just love looking back every day at the notes I’ve made through the years and realising which prayers have been answered and battles overcome!
Thanks so much, Heidi!
