I had heard of this fierce soul long before I’d had the opportunity to squeeze her in the flesh.
A dear mutual friend had wept while sharing the story of their struggles, and the joys of their small victories, as they fought to bring their adopted sons home from the Congo. And I’ve continued to watch in amazement as they’ve navigated the turbulent road to finding their new normal with extraordinary grace.
Her joy is effervescent and her faith, wild.
Meet Jen…
What’s your story, morning glory?
“When are you going to have kids?” This question, posed by innocent family, friends, and complete strangers alike, pierced my heart more times than I could ever imagine. I prayed. I cried. I believed. I had verses I “stood on.” Some days were one foot in front of the other. Some days, I screamed and cried to God in the woods. Other days I distracted myself with chocolate. I did all this for ten years waiting, for a child. None came.
At the ten year point in our marriage, and after several international missions trips, we finally considered and then were convinced that God had other plans for us as a family: Adoption. We jumped right in and innocently believed that adoption would be our savior. But alas, that journey in itself was costly, filled with much heartache, corruption, and scandal. In the first year of our process, right after receiving our court paperwork that the boys were our legal sons, the Congo put a stop on all adoptions, and literally held our sons hostage (and 800 other children as well) in a political power struggle. This lasted another five entire years. During this time, we paid money (lots of it), cried, lobbied, wrote letters, prayed, and experienced some of the lowest points in our life. And indeed, they never would have come home, but God.
Finally in 2015, through an entirely different miracle (and domestic adoption), we met our newborn daughter, and then nine months later, our sons finally came home from Africa. And finally, we could relax, right? Nope. Once our boys came home, we then began by FAR the hardest journey yet, raising three children, who needed a family, but also needed healing.
What did you discover about God’s character in the process?
The honest truth, is that I learned that God’s love is much more simple than I ever knew. No strings attached, means, no strings attached. He never gave up on me. In my darkest hour, He never left me. When I felt abandoned, He was planning my victory. When all around me failed, literally in a heap of burning ashes, He had reserved a remnant. He is good. He is good. He is good. Life & adoption & parenting is hard, and complex, and harsh, but the love of God is simple.
What helped you or served you most practically this season?
All the small things. I have always found that life is in the details, and this is how God spoke to me. Seriously. Every time I would start to be discouraged in the waiting, some seemingly random bit of encouragement would show up. Letters in the mail, bags of groceries at my doorstep, running socks on my desk at school, even a beautiful water-colored painting of Africa in a frame that still hangs on my wall.
These bits of treasure helped me put one foot in front of the other and to not give up, especially in the first two years home of helping our children learn how to be part of a family. Also running, which is where I could have some alone time, kid free, and pray and recharge! If you know a mama who is knee deep with littles, please watch her kids so she can take a walk, or deliver her groceries!
How did this experience shape your passion today?
Wow. I don’t even have enough words to describe how much this has changed me.
In the American Christian church that I was part of for so many years (pre-adoption), I lived under a safe little “hedge of protection.” The only hurting, depravity, or injustice I ever touched was in a sanitized form, that neatly lined up in a row for me to pray for at the altar on Sunday morning, after which, I would happily go out to eat at a nice restaurant and take a nap later that afternoon. Prayer and giving money was the extent of my faith. However, stepping off the airplane into a sweltering war ravaged nation to fight for the life of our two little boys in Central Africa (multiple times), while navigating cultural, moral, and ethical differences shredded that hedge in a quick hurry. The layers of political corruption that held our sons hostage were not resolved without putting our hands to work, sacrifice, and doing brave things way beyond our own ability. It is in this, that we were able to see God move impossible mountains to bring our sons home.
My passion and resolve today is to get my hands dirty. To walk among the poor, look them in the eyes, and learn their stories. It’s not enough to just say a prayer. We ARE Christ to the world, and our hearts should listen to His leading and our hands should move with our hearts.
If you could sum up your story in a single sentence, what would it be?
It has been my privilege to be used of God to bring healing to the nations, two hearts at a time.
What would I say to the woman facing the same struggle?
I would say, never give up. So many times I wanted to give up and a good friend said to me, that everyone always things that faith means you have to be moving forward. But sometimes, faith is just not giving up. If you’re walking through hell, don’t stop! Keep walking! You have it in you to keep fighting! God made you a warrior to fight the hardest battles, and most of those battles are just one small choice at a time. He will provide the things you need! All you have to do is not give up!
Favorite scripture you have clung to?
Isaiah 43:2 “When you go through deep waters, I am with you.”
Micah 5:5 “He will be our peace.”
What does the word “patience” mean to you and what does it look like in your everyday life?
This is one that I am learning now as a mother of two boys with trauma. These boys have no idea what it means to be loved by a mother or a family. They did not develop the attachment pathways in the brain that form when a mother holds their newborn baby and therefore have a lot of difficulty with trust and bonding. They were withheld the basic necessities of life such as food for their first 5 years of life, and have trauma and flight or flight and anxiety over normally happy events. On a daily basis, the patience I learned that took 15 years of marriage to walk through adoption and waiting for children is put to the test while trying to undo the effects of trauma in our boys. It looks like staying up all night with a son who is anxious, remaining calm when I want to scream over poor behavior choices, staying home instead of going to the overly crowded parade, and not celebrating Mother’s Day even though I’ve waited for 15 years to celebrate because it is too hurtful to our sons. The choice to be patient is hard in the big and small things and when I stop to think about why, it is always something that I think I should be entitled to, as an American privileged person. When I see it from their perspective, as an African orphan who was deprived of everything possible, then I can be patient.
What are two things you are loving right now?
I am LOVING photography! My husband and I started a professional business in the last two years and I have been watching training videos and learning so much so fast! I am loving meeting new people and learning their stories and capturing an important moment in their life! It goes along with my heart-to be present with others and put my hands to work. I hope to use my photography in the future to take pictures around the world, and campaign to make injustice known. I am also loving spending time with our kids. I know this is a lame answer maybe, but it is honest. Time is valuable, especially after waiting for so long, and I take joy in every little moment of snuggles, giggles, playing in the sand box, and kissing boo boos. I don’t take a single second for granted, even in the hardest times. Keeping a thankful heart and perspective is the secret to keeping your joy in the midst of tough times.
Where can we find you online?
I’m on Facebook and Instagram at @rublejen. Find my photography business at @CharisSeedPhotography (Charis means ‘grace’ in Greek)
