Having known me since I was a wee lass, not only is she like another mother, but she’s become a dear friend and mentor-figure over the years. In fact, she’s the sweet soul who prayed me through the discovery and recovery of sexual abuse in my childhood when we visited South Africa 11 years ago. I cannot think of her without thanking God for her.
Wife to a man we adore and momma to three gorgeous girls, she is wise, tender, and hilarious.
Meet Gwen…
What’s your story, morning glory?
I grew up in and around Johannesburg, the heart of South Africa’s gold mining industry. My dad worked on the mines around Johannesburg during my early years, until I was in Gr 7 and then we moved into Johannesburg proper.
My father was a paedophile who, along with a group of his friends, was into child pornography. In this group they shared their own children amongst themselves, abusing and making child pornography films. This continued well into my teen years, but I had blocked it out so well that I couldn’t remember until I was in my late 30’s.
Once I began to recall what had been done to me, my life fell apart, I struggled to function normally. My whole childhood, as I first remembered it, felt like a lie. My father was still alive and I was extremely angry with him. He later committed suicide (by hanging himself) and a friend and I found him. This just made me angrier with him. He was a narcissistic psychopath who had been a difficult man to live with, even under normal circumstances.
It was an extremely difficult time in my life, but suddenly so much of my conscious life made sense. I had always struggled with depression and anxiety, and was highly sexualised as a child. I felt like I must be an evil person because of the things I struggled with as a child and teenager, and I hated myself. Children always internalise what happens to them; “it must be my fault”. Growing up I had a very close relationship with my dad. I idolised him. That is the irony.
God blessed me with a wonderful husband, but I continued to struggle with depression and extreme anxiety (for which I took medication). I have fibromyalgia and Psoriatic Arthritis, the symptoms of both being chronic pain and chronic fatigue. But God began a healing journey with me that continues to this day.
What did you discover about yourself during this time?
I discovered that I was stronger than I thought. When I felt everything was too broken and I couldn’t carry on, I found an extra measure of strength and grace to keep going. I felt suicidal many times, but was able to keep going. I also discovered that my faith was stronger than I thought. Instead of being mad at God, I drew closer to Him.
What did you discover about God’s character through this process?
I experienced the reality of God from a very young age and I know that this is what carried me, despite some dry seasons. I ran to God because where else could I go? Only He has the words of eternal life. I experienced Him as a loving Father who carried me during my deepest, darkest times. I never questioned His character as a loving God and that He is good. He didn’t stop it from happening, but He is still good and loving and as it says in Philippians, “I press on to lay hold of that for which He laid hold of me.”
What helped you most practically during this season?
My incredibly amazing husband loved and continues to love me through it.
There were times when I wished my mom knew so that she could understand me better, and I did eventually tell her. She believed me and this helped me tremendously. They had had a difficult marriage. When I told her, her first words to me were, “I believe you. I know that dad was perfectly capable of that.” I don’t believe that my mom knew about it as they took the children out at night, and drugged the mothers so they would sleep through it. My dad worked on various gold mines and often got called out at night. My mom would most often only find out the next day that he had been called out. If she had woken up during the night and noticed him gone, it wouldn’t have surprised her or made her suspicious.
Friends have also been very supportive and encouraging, especially in the telling of my story.
How has it shaped your passion or clarified your mission today?
I have always been someone who wanted to help people heal. I did counselling for many years, not realising I was partly trying to heal myself. I am passionate about helping people in deep pain. God has provided me with many tools and techniques to help myself and others. I used to wish I was a lawyer so that I could try cases like mine…before I had even remembered my own story.
I wanted to help people more seriously and began to look into studying psychology, but after doing much research, I settled on Life Coaching. I am a Martha Beck trained Life Coach and also trained in Adult Child Coaching. An Adult Child is someone who grew up having to take on adult roles to take care of him/herself because the parents were alcoholics, drug addicts or dysfunctional in some or other way, causing life at home to be unpredictable. As a result, as adults they struggle with a unique set of problems and mind-sets.
I began by receiving Life Coaching for myself and this helped me far more than any psychologist I had seen. I fell in love with it and made the decision to train and become a Life Coach myself. It helps me fulfill what I believe is my passion and purpose.
If you could sum up your story in a single sentence, what would it be?
It has been an opportunity to experience more of God in my life, despite the ups and downs, and to have a better understanding of His plan for the suffering that takes place in this world.
What would you say to a woman facing a similar struggle or circumstance?
I would tell her that despite what has happened, God is still good and loving and that we can trust Him with the process. It is long and very hard sometimes, but healing takes place in His Presence.
Is there a favorite scripture or quote you’ve clung to?
My favourite book is Philippians. My favourite chapter is Philippians 3, and my favourite verse is 10.
Philippians 3:10 – in the Amplified version: “[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death.”
As well as the book “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Victor Frankl.
What does the word courage mean to you?
Courage means doing it even though I am afraid. Sometimes for me courage means just getting out of bed. It means seeing a client even when I feel like I have nothing to give and finding that God comes through anyway.
What are two things you are loving right now?
Wow there are so many. Do I have to pick only two? The book “When the heart Waits” by Sue Monk Kidd and “Invitation to Solitude and Silence” by Ruth Haley Barton from the Transforming Centre. I love the You Version Bible app; the Centering Prayer app, and The Work app by Byron Katie, which teaches us a truly wonderful way to take our thoughts captive.
Where can we find you online?
Facebook would probably be the best place to contact me if anyone wished to do so. Just search for Gwen Joynerwood.
