I squat, huddled in decidedly Wintery garb, bracing against the force of this chilled Spring wind, soaking up every drop of warmth it haphazardly flings my way.
Digging and ripping. Nails, encrusted with dirt.
Weeds seem to have taken hold early this year. Or is it that they too have simply capitalized on the sunshine and forced themselves to the surface to soak it in?
Or, as I suspect the answer may be… have I just never cared to notice them in years passed?
Digging my fingers into defrosting soil in search of a root isn’t something I gravitate towards, naturally. Comfortable, clean engagements punctuated with steaming cups of tea are far more to my liking.
But on this brisk Friday morning, this mundane task of picking and plucking draws me in, as if magnetically.
I reposition, yet again, to keep from being swept over by impassioned wind.
Pile of uprootedness blows.
I recollect.
Thoughts are gathered too.
How vital to vibrant life the act of weed removal is. The sometimes painful uprooting of that which saps energy, draws nutrients, steals strength from the flowerbed of our hearts.
The prerequisite need for death, in order for there to be life.
So I sit – this time enveloped in the warm comforts of home, pen and paper in hand – longing to identify and initiate the removal of the many weeds from my life.
I claw at the dirt, intentional in my pursuit of the weed, determined to uproot it.
First, I must identify it.
“Papa, show me the lies…the behaviors…the attitudes. The ugliness inside…”
At first, the pen moves slowly, unsure of how much rawness really need be visible outside of my heart.
Then it flows.
Surprising freedom found in the digging and searching.
Vulnerable becomes hopeful.
…
11. My desire to have my own needs met before meeting the needs of others.
12. My struggle to speak truth when it may be uncomfortable. Or unpopular.
…
17. I am so inward focused – lacking outward vision/compassion/selflessness for others
…
21. The jealousy, comparison and discontentment that breeds in my heart.
…
26. Judgmental toward others {often birthed out of my own insecurity}
27. Too much emphasis on superficial things {greed}
…
And on it goes.
While not pretty in any sense of the word, the authenticity of these truths etched in ink, stirs something in me. Something expectant. Auspicious, even.
My heart quickens at the thought of Spring.
The promise of new life.
The faithfulness of it’s Creator.
“…uproot these things in me…speak truth to my heart…and sow your goodness into this mess…”
I am surprised by the ease with which I write.
And pray.
There is no heaviness. Or regret. Or sense of disillusionment.
Only hope.
Glistening hope.
Because I cling to the God of “instead”.
I labor beside the One who promises beauty for ashes, gladness instead of sadness, praise in the place of despair.
So as I sit, gently tugging on the roots of selfishness and greed that have made themselves at home in my heart, I eagerly await the promise of new life in their place.
If I weed, He will seed.
It will take time, I know.
These stubborn roots have a way of burrowing deeply into the soil of who we are, siphoning fuel from the goodness within, and disguising themselves as legitimate life.
It will take patience.
Consistency.
Surrender.
It’s in the daily encounters with the Master gardener whose gentle uprooting of the counterfeit will, over time, yield life, joyful and abundant.
When we look across the soil of our souls, and feel overwhelmed by the unidentified life covering forgotten ground, don’t be discouraged. Don’t be paralyzed by how daunting a task it may appear.
Refuse to be robbed of the opportunity to sow new life. Real life. In the place of weed.
It is simply our job to be willing, precious one.
To surrender our grip, and initiate the ever-occurring process of uprooting the lies that give birth to weed.
To team up with the author of beauty, and to make room for the “instead”.
“God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us”
Ephesians 3:20
