Marriage is a divine conspiracy.
God takes two outrageously different people – from gender, background & upbringing, strengths & weaknesses, to likes & dislikes, personality & temperament – and throws them together in a magnificently wild adventure; a “love story set in the midst of war”.
“Our mutual brokenness plays off each other so perfectly that it is frightening. It’s like throwing a dog and a cat in a dryer. Is he absolutely mad? Why would God do such a thing?”
Because he adores us.
You see, God woos us into marriage and then uses the journey – the full experience in all its bedlam and all its beauty – to completely and utterly transform us.
You realize, of course, that marriage wasn’t created to make us happy.
But rather, holy.
Sure, happiness – or better yet, true joy – is a byproduct of a marriage after God’s heart. But it isn’t the driving force behind it’s purpose in our lives. When our own personal happiness becomes our sole purpose in marriage, we will undoubtedly, and consistently, be disappointed in the results.
Marriage is magnificently hard.
But here’s the good news: we have an even more magnificent power behind us, within us; One who claims to be LOVE in it’s very essence.
We were created by love, for love.
“A car is made to run on gasoline, and it would not run properly on anything else. Now God designed the human machine to run on Himself. He himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn, or the food our spirits were designed to feed on. There is no other. That is why it is just no good asking God to make us happy in our own way…God cannot give us happiness and peace apart from himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing”. C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
We have an insatiable capacity for love.
We are cracked pots, leaky vessels, incapable of functioning on yesterday’s portion. We need constant refilling, fresh ‘fuel’.
And here’s the catch: We were created that way.
Our leakiness was intentional, for we are ever dependent on a God who lives to love, lavishly.
And while God is the only One who can fill us, love us entirely and meet the depths of our neediness, we try and try again to fill that God-shaped void ourselves; putting incredible pressure on our spouse by expecting them to, or turning to alcohol, drugs or illicit sex to numb the constant ache for more.
Our marriage cannot be the primary place we turn to fill this void.
It was never designed to replace God’s role in our lives, but rather to draw us further into this divine romance, to refine us and to woo us into deeper intimacy with the creator of our souls.
And then there’s sex. Wow, what a gift.
God intended for the marriage bed to be a place of toe-curling, kick-the-nightstand-over sex; madly passionate, deliciously intimate connectedness.
Why do we settle for so much less?
Why don’t we fight to keep the spark alive? And why the heck are we – I’m talking to “the church” here – not talking about this more? Goodness gracious me. There is a world of hurt going on in the bedroom; misunderstanding, addiction, woundedness, manipulation, shame…just aching to be talked about and dealt with.
Healing is possible.
Renewed passion is possible.
But we HAVE to be willing to fight for it.
Why are we not talking about this?!? Why are we allowing our sex lives to slip down the tube, unnoticed, undiscussed, as though it were not the magnificent gift – and powerful weapon – it is?
{Slowly dismounting soap box}
Can you tell I’m passionate about this topic? And I am, by the way, cooking up a good sex post…stay tuned!
Moving on…
I’m sure you know already that you have an enemy. But did you realize, it’s not your spouse?
It’s an enemy that scripture paints as a lion on the prowl, seeking whom he can devour.
We’re not talking “nibble” here, folks.
But devour {read: destroy}
He hates marriage. He is intent on distorting it, disenchanting it, and ultimately, destroying it.
Yours. And mine, to be exact.
He hates love. He is the very antithesis of love.
“God is a great lover, and he created marriage to play out on this earth a daily, living, breathing portrait of the intimacy he longs for with his people. God created marriage as an earthly expression of the love affair he is caught up in with his people. Gulp. This is why it has such a central role. It is a kind of incarnation, a passion play about the love and union between Jesus and his beloved”.
This might help us understand why “the fury of hell has been unleashed against it. God is telling a love story and the setting is war”.
We daily fight the battle that is waged against our marriages. Well…actually, we can choose to take a stand and to fight, or we can continue on, blindly, and just get whacked repeatedly in the back of the head.
Let’s be honest…little irritations and annoyances are not just common, but semi expected, in marriage, right?
But when we fail to identify the “external source of provocation” and simply agree with the many little internal rants {most often drenched in negativity, sarcasm and criticism} that surreptitiously pop into our minds, we make agreements with the very enemy of our souls. The one who’s sole mission is to stop what God himself has set into motion.
Agreements like…
“He doesn’t care about anyone but himself” “I hate it when she does this!”
“she always says ‘no’…what’s the point in pursuing her?!”
“Why do I try?” “This will never work” “I should never have married him”
“She has no idea what I go through…she has it so easy”
“Just settle. Don’t rock the boat” “She’ll never forgive me, so I won’t tell”
“I should just leave him…before he has a chance to leave me”
When these little agreements linger, like “tiny cracks in a structure” they have the potential to become something incredibly destructive. “They might go away over time, but more often than not they become the beginnings of deeper fissures. Little cracks don’t matter much in your sidewalk, but in other places they matter a great deal – like airplane wings, for instance, or the Hoover Dam. Places that will come under immense pressure. Like marriage”
We just wrapped up Love & War {the source of many of the powerful words above}. 
My hubby was inspired and empowered by Wild at Heart. I was enchanted and encouraged by Captivating.
It only made sense we delve into Love & War – John & Staci’s first marriage book/series – together as a couple.
The down-to-earth, ‘profoundly simple’ way in which they communicate common struggles and biblical truths has a way of disarming you, revealing the depths of your heart and your marriage {and all the baggage that entails}, encouraging you, and challenging you all at the same time.
And something this good cannot be kept between the two of us.
So 6 other couples joined us on the 8 week adventure through the book.
It was brilliant. eye-opening. ground-breaking. healing. refreshing.
It has forever impacted the way I see myself…my marriage…my husband…my purpose…and our destiny.
Check it out.
I double-dog dare you.
