My husband and I have a mantra: “it’s not wrong…it’s just different”.
We picked up the phrase {as it pertains to marriage} while taking the Love & Respect course years ago.
I then adopted it as my mom-tra as I began to see how, even played out in my own life, our differences {in parenting choices and “mommy-style”} could stir strife and division between an already weary group of women, rather than simply adding “color” to a beautifully diverse work of art; motherhood.
And now I’m using this short phrase to prevent an identity crisis.
Sort of.
I find I have to remind myself frequently: “it’s not wrong…it’s just different”.
The way I process change. The things I struggle with. The silly little things that make me squeal with delight. The bigger things I silently grunt about. What makes me happy. What breaks my heart. How I’m a “little good” at a lot of things, and not really good at anything. How easily I can cry. How journaling my heart has become so therapeutic for me. The insecurities that are silently raging, that rear their ugly head on occasion. How funny I sound {I no longer sound South African, but I don’t sound like an American either}. How I choose to squander spend my “free” time. The perfectionistic control-freakism I have to squelch on a daily basis. How I like do the laundry. Or rather, how I do not like do the laundry. What I consider fun. How I express myself. How much effort it takes me to think about cooking dinner. And how sometimes Stromboli sounds good. 3 days in a row. How I like to start things, but struggle to see them through. How inward-focused I can become. How sometimes I just was to hide under the covers and sleep for 3 days. Or move to an island. Alone. Not really.
In short: what makes me…me. The good, the bad, and the downright awkward.
Because sometimes I feel as though I am what’s wrong.
Rather than being okay with “just different”, I wonder what is wrong with me..why I’m such a mess, when everyone else is made of awesome.
I struggle with me.
I often don’t like me. I would rather be you. Or the beautiful mom down the street who appears to have it all together; house, marriage, kids, weight, time-management, money, etc. Or the wise, confident, radiant women who knows what God put her on this earth for…and she’s doin’ it! Consistently. Selflessly.
And there’s little old me. Plodding my way through, just trying to survive – and maybe even thrive – this season I’m in. Okay, today.
But we’re different. So very different; our inner-wiring, outer composition, our personality, our circumstances, our journey, our family, our passions.
And I so easily forget that we were created this way!
Intentionally, intrinsically unique.
Incredibly, intricately, enormously different from one another. And it is good!
Even within 1 family…4 sisters, from the same parents, with the same upbringing, and the same core beliefs: so astonishingly different, we are!
Celebrating our extraordinary individuality shifts our focus from what we consider “wrong” with us, our weaknesses and inadequacies, to all that is right with us; our areas of strength, the unique way we were designed to impact the lives around us, and the sweet way in which only we can commune with our creator.
Why do I doubt myself so much? Even trees make a unique contribution to this world. Even their leaves change hue and fall for a reason. Why would my life – and yours – be any less valuable, any less purposeful, any less glorious than the mesmerizing display of leaves in Autumn?
I need to change the way I see {read: dissect, overanalyze & criticize} myself.
“It’s not wrong…it’s just different”
And different is delightful.
Different IS delightful.
Different is DELIGHTFUL!
Our differences add spice and color to life, offering opportunities to learn and grow. While our similarities provide sweet avenues to connect, weaving a common thread through the fabric of our friendships, and confirming our basic need for community.
Note to self: I need to pull out my Colors of Ministry book and revisit it.
Discovering ourselves…our strengths and weakness, our passions and purpose, and how God intentionally wired us UNLIKE ANY OTHER: for our unique purpose in this life…is an adventure just waiting to be taken. Want to jump in?
I recently ploughed through a temperament assessment. It was surprisingly tough to answer some of the questions as, what my responses have become – due to necessity {mothering 2 toddlers}, are different from how I would have answered these questions 4 years ago, before our little ones were on the horizon. But is was encouraging none-the-less to see my {unusual} way of doing things, my “mode” if you will, validated in this way. It even got a fancy little title: ENSJ.
I couldn’t help but laugh when a little image of Martha Stewart popped up next to my resulting code. It’s okay. You can laugh too. A friend had Oprah next to her results. Fancy. Another, Ghandi. Woah. So I may not change the world…but my sofa pillows will look fantastic {gulp}.
It’s insightful, entertaining & informative.
And it’s a good first step to discovering just how deliciously different we truly are.
Take the temperament assessment here.
“By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world
that was not there before” Edwin Elliot
