I spent most of my adolescent years aching to be someone else. Any body else.
And while I can say that I’ve finally learned to embrace the quirky, awkwardly transparent, people-loving introvert I’ve grown into, I still occasionally stumble into that place of longing for the ability to behave or perform or create like another.
I often struggle with comparing myself to others, but I’m realizing that in those moments, I’m silently declaring to God that all He has given me…is not quite enough.
Tough stuff to swallow, for sure. But at some point or another, we all play this comparison game.
Whether we compare ourselves to those who have more {money, talent, beauty, discipline, skill…insert your measuring stick here) than us, or those who have less, the fact remains…there are no winners in this game.
We all will come up short.
It is so easy to dwell on what we don’t have, rather than choose to focus on all we’ve been blessed with. I’m finding that this toxic cocktail of comparison and dissatisfaction is as destructive to my soul as it is to my future. Not to mention my friendships.
What if we truly embraced who we were: the imperfect and in-progress parts, along with that more polished, presentable portion {small as it may be} – and gave others complete freedom to be fully themselves?
How might our friendships with other women deepen if, rather than allowing our weaknesses to breed jealousy and insecurity, we learned to celebrate and champion their strengths?
I’m utterly surrounded by incredible women. It’s quite ridiculous, actually.
These stunning examples of injustice advocates, passionate wives, patient mothers, savvy coupon-clippers, vocalists with mad piano skills, word connoisseurs, sweet-spirited workhorses, aspiring entrepreneurs, meal-planning gurus, hot bodied mommas, furniture-refinishing crafters, cutting-edge leaders, jewelry-making mavens, animal-loving activists, garden-growing homemakers, blogging babes and more!
The breadth and depth of their strengths astound me.
I love how intricately, and matchlessly, God has created them…each with a unique gift to give the world around them. What they bring, and who they are, is beautiful…and needed.
Why, then, do we struggle so much in this area? Rather than celebrate one another’s strengths…we tend to resent the fact that we don’t excel in those areas.
And the wicked cycle of comparison begins in an attempt to ease the ache of discontentment.
Comparison is what fuels the ‘mommy mafia’, what poisons sibling relationships, alienates neighbors, and what pulls apart what was intended to be knit together.
Together we create something even more lovely than a talent here and a skill there…we create a unified, graceful body that moves and flows and transforms everything in its path. We become an influential force to be reckoned with, a community that serves and loves each other.
We were created to compliment each other…not to compete with each other.
But compete, and compare, we do. And here lies the trap…when I look over at you and see the treasure you hold, or the beauty you weave…and I compare it to what I do, or how I do it, I start to think…“gosh, they’re so good at this…and I really haven’t a clue what I’m doing. Who am I kidding. What’s the point in trying”.
And I stuff and stifle and abort that unique something that I have to offer…because I compared it to the unique something YOU have to offer.
I’m finding that nothing destroys our uncommon offering – and cripples our ability to extend it – like glancing at one beside us and longing for what they bring to the table instead of what is in our own arms.
It says to our Creator…you messed up. What you’ve given me, and how you made me, is not enough.
We undermine our worth – our purposeful and potential-filled uniqueness – when we compare ourselves, and our gifts, to others. Maybe you don’t even realize you’re doing it. Comparison often occurs without intention, but it also destroys without mercy.
It callously robs us of our joy and contentment every single time we allow it to take root in our hearts.
I’m realizing that, in our frantic search for significance – when we betray the intentional wiring of our true selves (you know, that whole ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’ thing), in an effort to be more like someone else – we’re quite simply robbing the world of that extraordinary gift we were born to deliver.
We have got to wise up and passionately guard our hearts from this clandestine enemy. Above all else, guard your hearts… for it determines the course of your life (Proverbs 4:23).
That special something you bring to the table is unique to you…and not something I could replicate if I tried. But try, I do. Again and again. And a half baked version of myself is always left disappointed and exhausted in the face of failure.
I will never be just like you. Because I am not you. And you won’t ever be just like me…and that’s a mighty good thing.
While I may never have your singing voice, or your waistline, your cooking skills, green thumb, or your patience…I also do not have what it takes to live your life…the good, the bad and the ugly. It’s a package deal, sweet friends. I was not designed to live your life…to bear the burdens you do, and you’re not called to live with the thorn I carry in my side.
I’ve heard it said that we tend to compare our behind-the-scenes blooper reel to another’s edited highlight reel. How true this is. It’s so easy to covet the pretty part of someone’s life…and forget that there are bloody battles they fight behind closed doors.
You see, along with our giftings and talents and skills, we carry burdens and baggage and brokenness. Ones we’ve been armed and equipped to wrestle with as we sojourn this earthly life. No, they’re not easy. Nor are they made to be carried alone. But they are ours.
This journey…this glorious, messy expression of humanity…is what reminds us daily that His mercies are new every morning…His grace is sufficient…and that redemption is His specialty.
May we find ourselves anew. Love ourselves. Embrace our brokenness, celebrate our strengths, and learn to handle our weaknesses with grace.
And out of this sweet spot, may we free others to find and love themselves with reckless abandonment.
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