I’m not sure I’ve ever felt as unsettled as I do right now. It’s as though my whole world is caught in a state of unrest.
The container company that is responsible for damaging thousands of dollars of our belongings is not returning phone calls. Our garage holds moldy furniture and lampshades that may not be replaced.
And we have yet to close on this house. It’s been almost 5 months. We moved in a month ago, with the plan to close May 11th. But closing has been delayed and delayed, and now the bank wants more money.
We are completely and utterly in limbo right now. Last year, the State government appeared to hold our futures in their grasp…now it’s the seller’s bank.
And yet, so much in my life is grounded and certain.
I’m learning to live in the paradox of what my eyes and ears tell me, and what my heart and soul tell me. One screams. The other whispers.
Some days it’s actually easy to rest in the buoyancy of God’s grace. To trust in the depths of my gut that everything is alright. All things will work together for our good.
And yet on other days, I’m gripped by the harsh reality that nothing in this world is secure enough to depend on. The house we reluctantly, and yet persistently, are turning into a home. Do we paint another room? Do we put this light fixture up? Do we invest the time and money into a vegetable garden when we may not be here to enjoy the harvest?
And all the while there’s a still, small voice that whispers, “go ahead. I’ve given it to you…can you trust that? Do you trust me? Or do you need to see it on paper first”.
Do I? Do I trust Him that much, that I’m willing to throw caution to the wind and dig my toes into the ground and fully claim this territory as my own?
Depends on the day.
The wisdom of the spiritual realm flies in the face of what this culture sees as common sense. Were we reckless to move into a house without closing on it? Even though everything felt and looked {for a time} as though nothing could go wrong. Could it? I guess the smart answer is yes. Yes, it could all go wrong. But do I trust that even in the worst case scenario, God could work this all for our good?
Wow. That’s a toughie.
My head, my logic, is terrified.
My heart, excited for the ride.
I’ve seen God make stunning successes out of terrible circumstances. And without fail…it happens at the very last moment.
I am learning that God is a God of the eleventh hour and fifty-ninth minute. Coming to our rescue at the beginning, before we find ourselves clinging to Him with everything we’ve got…well, what would the faith-building be in that?
If we want to see a miracle, we’ve got to be in a place that we need a miracle.
We do.
We put an offer on this home – this lovely place we’ve almost completely settled into – on February 1st, based on the knowledge that we would receive tax credit money after closing. The tax credit offer is only valid until the end of this month.
We have two weeks to close, or we find ourselves $8,000 in the hole. Or we move out.
So…we cling. And we pray. And we wait.
My head screams, “get the heck out. Screw the bank, or they’ll screw you”.
My heart whispers, “put your feet up. Relax. Trust me. Watch me work. Some of my best work is done behind the scenes. Don’t you realize I’m housing you for no mortgage payment right now. I’m cool like that?”.
So we continue to do what we do best…
Wait. And do the limbo.
