Homeschool, private or public?
After breast or bottle, home or work, to vaccinate or not…this is the big, looming question.
For some it’s a no-brainer. For others it’s an incredibly hard, perplexing decision to make, and a lonely road to navigate.
Please know, right off the bat, what this post is not attempting to communicate. It is not my intention, nor my place, to say whether homeschooling your children is the best choice for your family or not, nor is it my goal to change your mind.
I have no desire to criticize those who are different from me; those precious souls who have chosen to take a different path to reach a common goal.
I would much rather spend my time celebrating the unique way in which we’ve been created – all wired with distinctive gifts and passions, visions and directions – rather than enter into heated debate over what’s wrong or right. I’d much prefer to simply enjoy the incredible freedom we’ve been given to decide what’s best for our delightfully unique families, and bless you in yours.
I have never understood why we, as wounded human beings, and now community-craving moms and dads, allow our differences to drive us apart and bring division in the pettiest of arenas. And while I realize how we choose to raise our children, and educate them, is far from a minor issue, I do believe we’ve fallen into the trap of believing there is only one right way to achieve a noble goal. After all, we’re all just trying to do the best we can with what we’ve got. And that looks different for each family – even each individual child.
Some families don’t have the luxury to choose. Learning disabilities, language barriers and access to quality local schools are just a few of the things that impact our kid’s learning experience.
When will we acknowledge that what works well for one, may not be best for another? When will we realize that graciously letting others off the hook, and blessing them in their efforts, imbibes a freedom and grace in our own lives that a judgmental, myopic mindset will never know?
So what is this post about? I simply want to share what we as parents decided was best for our little family, at this point in time. Not because it was a no-brainer – quite the opposite, actually. This decision was made after many long conversations over copious cups of tea, much prayer, counsel and consideration. And then – only then – did it feel like the right fit for us.
So, take a guess…why don’t we homeschool our children?
A. I love my children and would like to see them make it into their double-digits. Homeschooling them would shorten their lifespans considerably.
B. I want to be their mom. Not their teacher.
C. We believe we are called to send our children out into the world, to be a light in a dark place, and we believe that should start well before they turn 18.
D. We firmly believe in the importance of neighboring and community life, and it’s harder to be fully plugged into your community when you’re disengaged from the school system.
E. I look forward to having my life back.
F. All of the above.
C? Because that’s what the good Christian, home-makin’ mama would say, right? Oh wait, I suppose “the good Christian woman” wouldn’t be writing this post in the first place. Because she’d be busy homeschooling her kids. Just kidding. Calm down.
Some of my dearest friends in the whole wide world – whom I respect wildly – homeschool their wee babes, and are just ah-mazing at it. Some of the most stellar human beings impacting the world today have been raised by parents who selflessly poured everything they had into educating their children in the sanctuary of their own homes. I am awed by their commitment and passion, and totally respect their decision to homeschool.
So just hear my heart in all this, okay?
The exclusivity of this ‘good Christian home-schooling mama’ club is actually what birthed this blog post a few years ago, when I was freshly wrestling with this decision, and it’s been sitting quietly on my laptop ever since.
Here’s why I’ve decided to share it, feather-ruffling as it may be: because I’m tired of running into this myopic theory (communicated especially loudly among the Christian blogging community), and feel the voice of a bold, Jesus-loving, work-from-home mama who chooses to send her children to public school – and still desires to see them thrive spiritually – is desperately lacking.
It’s the yellow school bus shaped elephant in the room, and I’d like to take a poke at it for just a moment.
If you’ve wrestled with this decision yourself, wondering whether wanting to send your kids to public school while still wanting to raise them with a Biblical worldview makes you a less spiritual parent…I trust you’ll find reassurance here. I hope you sense a spirit of camaraderie for the journey, and feel a fresh peace for the conflicting emotions that surround this topic and wrestle about in your mama heart.
So actually, the answer is F. All of the above. To a certain degree, that is. Allow me to expand on each.
A. I love my children and would like to see them make it into their double-digits. Homeschooling them would shorten their lifespans considerably.
Tis’ true. Becoming a mom is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But as we know, nothing worth doing is ever easy. I’m still learning how to be me…how to be a wife, and a mom. And how to work with my personal limitations; acknowledging my weaknesses – rather than resenting them and constantly working my tail off to change them – and choosing rather to focus on my areas of strength (which don’t happen to be teaching small children for longer than 7.5 minutes).
The past 7 years of motherhood have provided me with the most exquisite, and excruciating, refinement opportunities in the history of ever. In fact, the person I am today is so far from who I was then that I can’t relate to my pre-children life…and I am thankful. While I’m forever grateful for the way God has transformed, molded, and softened me through these precious years at home with our babes – and I would never have done it any other way – the thought of homeschooling them, to be painfully honest, makes me want to claw my eyes out.
It just wouldn’t be pretty, folks. And they might not live long enough to talk about it. Let alone impact the world.
B. I want to be their mom. Not their teacher.
I believe that as a mom, particularly one who was home with them exclusively for the first few years, I am my children’s primary teacher. I also believe that their dad and I will always be two of their most influential teachers, especially when it comes to spiritual principles, morals and values.
But when it comes to math, science and biology…I’d rather leave it to the pros.
Besides, who would I make those fun little Pinterest-inspired teacher gifts for?
C. We believe we are called to send our children out into the world, to be a light in a dark place, and we believe that should start well before they turn 18.
I realize that homeschooling has evolved radically in the past few years and that there are many creative ways to subtly expose your children to the depravity of life in a broken world, but I think there’s more to it than that. This was, by far, the hardest part of our decision. I would most certainly have wrapped my children up tightly in bubble-wrap and hidden them in the closet for all their lives if it were a viable option, but then again, what kind of life would that be? Isn’t the life we’re called to live a messy, wild and risky one? I don’t recall Jesus ever saying it would be clean and protected. Yes, I get that being their primary influencer during those formative years is vital – and I wholeheartedly agree with that – but this is why our family time is guarded so fiercely. We are very selective about how we spend our non-school time.
The truth of the matter is, I don’t just want my kids to be safe, guarded and untainted by the world. I want them to be brave and bold and strong and courageous. Dangerous to the darkness, and resilient in the face of failure.
So much of that self-control and internal management is developed as they walk out their young lives in the halls of our schools. As they’re exposed to thousands of little opportunities to make stupid decisions, day after day. To fail. To mess up stunningly while the stakes are still low. In the pliability of their youth, surrounded by parents who are ready to help them pick themselves up, make right their mistakes, and move on. To learn – at a young age – how to manage the extraordinary amount of freedom and power their Creator has given them.
Could you imagine how dark our schools would be if every Christian parent pulled their little light out, for fear of it being snuffed out? And then imagine how gloriously bright and contagious their little flames would be if we bravely blew breath into the flickers of life learning and failing and growing in those halls?
We’re not anti-homeschool or private school. We’re just wildly pro-God. For greater is He that dwells in us, than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4).
D. We firmly believe in the importance of neighboring and community life, and it’s harder to be fully plugged into your community when you’re disengaged from the school system.
No it’s not impossible, but it certainly is harder. It’s just trickier to plug into the lives of the people around you when your schooling choice communicates, accurately or not, that you don’t want your children growing up beside theirs, that their education is substandard – which it may well be – or that you’re somehow superior to them. While these assumptions may be the furthest thing from the truth, our engagement in the lives around us often hinges on our willingness to get our hands dirty – and our hearts broken – alongside them.
We don’t send our kids off into “their” school alone. It’s a family affair. We’re committed to this school – these families, these teachers, this administration – and we do this thing together. We’re plugged in as often as we’re able, and that helps us maximize the positive influence we’re called to leverage in our communities. How can we expect to have a say in something we’re not a part of?
Scripture calls us to be “in the world, but not of it”. With all the handy hubs we’ve created to support a Christian subculture (think bookstores, coffee shops and social groups), it becomes awfully easy to isolate ourselves from the very world we’re trying to love.
E. I look forward to having my life back.
While this isn’t necessarily how I would have worded it, there’s a lot of truth in this common response to school starting.
Yes, my children are a large, beautiful part of my life – and I wouldn’t change that for the world – but that’s just it. They are a part of it. They are not the center of it. They are a foundational part of my purpose on this planet, but they are not the extent or fulfillment of it. I want to do ministry with them, alongside them, not just to them.
Motherhood is one of my favorite roles, but it’s certainly not my only one. Now that both my wee babes are in school (Kindergarten and 2nd Grade), I’ve been able to more fully pour myself into the other passions that feed my greater purpose, and that ultimately makes me a better mom.
So, this. This is why we don’t – and as far as we can see, won’t – homeschool our children, and why we have chosen to “go public”. Not because this is what’s right for everyone, but because it’s right for us, right now, right where we are.
When I peeled back all the layers, over that hot summer before school started, and examined the arguments and statistics and theories on why I felt we as Christian parents should homeschool our kids, I was left with only one reason. One strong, visceral response. Fear.
Not desire or passion or excitement. Or even a sense of greater purpose.
For me, it was just fear.
Fear of losing our children to a big, scary world at war with itself. One that I’d become so horribly lost and broken in myself, flying under the radar for years while nursing my fractured heart. There was no way in hell I was going to let my children experience the heart-ache and shame that I did.
But last time I checked, fear wasn’t a voice we should listen to.
Fear shouldn’t ever be what drives our decisions. After all, the God we serve is bigger than any obstacle we may face in this world. And in those halls. And with all those other broken, messed up, beautiful human beings we get to do life with.
He is, after all, an expert at redeeming the messes we make.
Deciding to send our kids off to public school was a big, brave decision that has proven to be exactly what our little family needed. It’s not always easy, but it’s good. And I think every homeschool mama I know would echo that sentiment. It isn’t always easy…but it’s good.
And that is what makes us all stronger and braver and more dependent on Him in the process.
And I think that makes God smile.
What about you?
Do you homeschool your kidlets and love it? Are you a natural teacher, or was it a hard transition?
Or do you do it because you feel it’s what “good Christian moms do”…even though it makes you want to weep at the thought of it?
Do you prefer a private school experience?
Are your kiddos enrolled – and thriving in – public school? Or has it proven to be a harder experience than you thought?
Join the conversation over on the Simply Bloom Facebook page
*If you’d like a great read on how your child can really thrive in public school, pick up a copy of the Pritchard’s book, Going Public. It was exactly the encouragement, insight and focus I needed the summer before we sent our firstborn off to school.
