Yo! Life ain’t ho-hum
When you spend your days as “mum”
Just wipe that tiny bum
While Sally sucks her thumb
Hollah!
Okay, so maybe dropping the beat isn’t exactly in my talent department. Or remotely in the same zip code.
I am an excellent bum wiper, though.
They like the way I work it…Mom Diggety… I got to bag it up.
Okay, I’ll stop.
If ever there was a movie that struck-n-stuck to my heart as much as it did to my kid’s… it’s Frozen.
We heard about it for days…okay, weeks…on end after they first watched it on Thanksgiving day. The music, the characters, the storyline, the one-liners. This movie has it all.
Which may, I’m embarrassed to admit, explain why our kids saw it three times in the theatre. Yes. Three.
And no, this is not a paid advertisement. It is a blatantly free one.
I totally splurged and took them to see it a second time with friends (gotta love a snow-day matinee)…and then my husband, who was working on both days we went, got thoroughly sick and tired of us talking and singing about it for days on end, and decided he couldn’t bear it any longer…so he up and took ‘em to see it again simply so HE could join in the revelry.
That extravagant movie support, along with the fact that our little Bean acquired the soundtrack for Christmas, has resulted in us knowing every word…to every song. I may or may not have figured out how to play “Let it Go” on the Piano. And there’s a good chance some of us have been known to sing, “Do You Want to Build A Snowman” on potty trips in the middle of the night.
Because we’re musical nerds and they’re performing monkeys…and we’ll be here through Sunday. Thankyouverymuch.
One of our favorites is Olaf’s Summer song. You can’t not love how hilariously delusional this little guy is about the hottest season of the year. His naiveté is endearing. And laughable.
And just slightly reminiscent of how I dreamed about motherhood before becoming a mother. I had brilliant ideas, lofty goals and grand plans about how it would all play out. How they would behave, and dress…and how I would behave, and dress…and of course all the things I would never, ever, not-on-your-life allow my children to do. You know…all that stuff.
Because, you should know, I was one heck of a mother before I had kids.
So, without further ado…I present the “Mother” song…sung to the tune of Olaf’s Summer song.
Alarm’ll buzz, and I’ll sit n’ stroke their sweet peach fuzz
And the morning shall start, just as it does…as “mother”
Hot food on my plate, “what well-behaved kids!” my neighbors will state,
Prob’ly getting ‘Mom of the Year’, this mother!
I’ll finally see this life is a breeze, these angels above the norm,
(then I’ll find out what happens to pelvic floors when they get worn)
Oh, I can’t wait to see, what those other moms think of me,
Just imagine how much cooler I’ll be as “mother”
Da da, da doo, just singin’ along and wipin’ up poo…
Diapers and prozac may be an expense,
Buy ’em together — it just makes sense!
Ratdadat dadat da dada dadada doo
Childhood’s a great time to go nowhere faster,
In spit-up and stretch pants, I’ll be a
disaster
… happy wo-man!
When life gets tough, I’ll simply layer on eye-cream,
Who needs see-through windows…oh, who needs clean?
* Oh my days may be blue, but caffeine…it’ll be there too! *
When I finally do what crazy gals do as “mother”!
As mo-therrr!!
Okay, humor me for a minute and pretend your CD got stuck over there by the turquoise asterisk above. I had so many ideas running through my disturbed little noodle for what that line could be, so I figured I’d just share them all….
* And my skin may have grew, but spanx…slap them on there too
* And that wash and shampoo, ”doesn’t sting”…that’s just so untrue
* Please read that review, size 4?…just won’t hold the poo
* There she goes, with the glue…small feet run and now I pursue
* Oh, to yell is taboo, but good Lord…you’ll hear my debut
* High tea and revue, play Barbie…and then some kung fu
* Oh, those days in the loo, privacy?…I’ve bid it adieu
* And about that lamb stew… havin’ boxed mac n’cheese in lieu
* Oh, my heart will undo, but His grace…it’ll see me through
When I finally do what crazy gals do as “mother”!
—
Ta-Da!
